"I'll tell my parents we met at a farmer's market."

The dating scene has shifted drastically over the years. Ever since social media boomed, every aspect of our lives has become fast-paced, accessed easier, impatient, and false toned. As a twenty-year-old, I’m starting to fully integrate myself into the world of dating, which is a stressor for most people my age. There is a sense of pressure to be in a relationship, to post pictures with your significant other, and portray the image that life is so damn amazing all the time.

For example, a picture someone chooses to post is a filter for his or her life. No one ever chooses the bad picture. We show people what we want them to see. We snapchat pictures of flowers our boyfriend/girlfriend gave us, not the tears on our face after a fight with the person we love. This generation has a general lack of understanding that social media is a perceived reality, and dating is dragged into the picture and altered so we think our reality holds a plethora of options, all bright and shiny, when really, it doesn't. Even if we already have something amazing, we are still looking for more. We want choices, and we want A LOT of them.

Online dating: Once an anomaly, now ordinary.

For some, joining an online dating site or app is a Hail Mary with a “might as well at this point” mindset. For others, it’s a Godsend that screams “potential.” Then there are individuals, like me, who have conventionally met people, but have always been curious about what the alluring qualities of online dating are. After a long distance relationship, I was told it was time to experience the “normal” way of dating.

But what IS the normal way to date these days? Download an app, choose five of the best photographs of myself to display, write a short bio that can simultaneously show my quick wit, adventurous and athletic spirit, love of learning, and desire to connect with people, and wait for the cringe-worthy pickup lines to roll in? Yeah, that seems about all there is to it. Come on… there HAS to be a catch. The mindless and mundane swiping left and then occasionally right had me questioning everything that this generation glorifies about the “Tindersphere,” and how people react to having the perception of options.

Call me old-fashioned, but I’m the type of person who much prefers talking on the phone than texting. I’d rather sit with someone and look at photographs of a trip abroad than view them in a post on Instagram with a lack of background on the experiences. I would desire a walk in the park talking or exploring different towns and bookstores than sitting in a dark movie theater staring at a screen. Let's go hike or do something active, forget "Netflix and chill." Even if Tinder is being used as a hook-up mechanism, don’t you want to know whom it is you’re being intimate with?

But here’s the funny part: deep down, we all crave these things. We all want a connection to someone. Tinder and online dating fosters the notion that the people who utilize the app don’t want that. At least to some degree they pretend they don’t, because dating these days is a messy process. It’s an app for “hooking up” but what happens next? You meet someone, spend a night together and say goodbye?

Yeah, okay, I can see the appeal to that. There are no “rights” or “wrongs” in how one chooses to date. I get that, and I've participated in it. The issue stems from the aftermath. You better not text them first because then you’re desperate. Don’t even think about asking the “what are we now” question because then you’ll scare them away and end up alone.

If they text you first, wait at least the amount of time they did (if not more for good measure) to reply… even though you’re holding the phone in your hand and got that hit of dopamine when their name popped up on the screen. So you succumb to those false and society-set guidelines of how dating nowadays is supposed to be because you don’t want to be alone. You let yourself stick with it, and you let those feelings culminate.

But we're guarded. We want to protect ourselves first and foremost. So what do we do? We ghost them when the uncertainty kicks in. We rid ourselves of the feelings that have grown because it’s either not being reciprocated, or we realize we deserve a hell of a lot better. It’s a juvenile, cowardly way to deal with things, but it’s a comfort zone.

Confrontation, big issues or small, is terrifying. When we connect with someone and enjoy his or her company, it feels like it’s a lot to lose. So give them the closure they deserve. We pretend like we’re sitting on some high horse of dating where we can’t just be open and honest. We’re all humans, and we all have our reasons, even if we’re too naïve to realize those reasons yet.

We’re blessed with the ability to feel, to sympathize, empathize, and reason logically. You’d think we would take advantage of those qualities in every aspect of our lives, but when you throw something like a romantic connection in the mix, these things become convoluted. So what do we do? We try to connect by way of instant gratification and ease.

We distract ourselves. Isn’t that what social media and online dating is? Instant connections? We crave it, and it’s not going away. We want options and a never-ending supply of compliments and “likes.” At the end of the day, when we come home to an empty house, but also a hundred notifications of who liked and commented on a picture we posted, there will reach a time when those praises on our selfies won't be enough anymore.

Time and time again the question among those participating in online dating is this: How do we successfully navigate our way through dating in this generation? Well, we learn patience. We learn that sometimes the connections worth making are the ones that take time and understanding. We put our phone down and say hello to the person we are interested in sitting across the room.

We swipe on Tinder with regard that there is another human behind the picture we see and the bio that we read. We stay mindful of what it is that we want, and we stay mindful of what the other person wants. We come to realize that the prospect of choice we're all so inclined to gravitate towards isn't always worth it in the end. We respect boundaries, we respect others, and we respect ourselves. We listen to understand, not to reply.

So, fellow online daters, stay optimistic. Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you. Beautiful faces are everywhere, but beautiful minds are hard to find.