Dear you,
If you're like me, chances are you spent your childhood fawning over every fairytale in the book, dreaming of the day that you'll be swept off your feet by your Prince Charming. Yet here you are ten years later, pining for that guy you fell head over heels for, and wondering why things in your love life can't be as simple as they seem in the movies. So for those nights when you curl up in a ball, putting yourself down for the third night in a row and thinking you will never be good enough, there are a some things you need to know.
1. Never Define Yourself By A Guy's Love (or lack thereof)
The worst thing you can possibly do is to let a guy's opinion of who you are affect so much that you stop believing in yourself. Yes, it can really suck when you're constantly putting yourself out there and it isn't reciprocated. Yes, as girls we want to feel that we are loved and valued by a significant other. I get it. But when it gets to a point where you find yourself looking to a man to validate and provide happiness for you that you've got to take a step back and realize that you are not defined by someone's choice to love your or not.
2. If He Doesn't Pick You, He Is Not The One For You
I know that this is so cliche, but it is so true. You have so much personality and all this love in your heart, so wouldn't you want to be with someone who can acknowledge and appreciate you for all that you are? Just because a guy doesn't choose to be with you doesn't mean you are not smart, or beautiful, or amazing. It just means that you weren't meant for each other, and that's okay. One of the most important lessons you'll learn is to see the best in every situation. Sometimes the things that might be the most heartbreaking can actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
3. Confidence Is Key
I know it can be easy to get in your feelings and put yourself down, especially when you have that void in your life that you feel only a guy can fill, but something you have to understand is that one of the things that people find most attractive in a prospective boyfriend or girlfriend is confidence. People want to be around people that radiate positivity and self-assurance. But above all, please remember that before you can expect to be "the one" for someone else, you have to pick, choose, love and be kind to yourself first. This is so important, because the way you treat yourself will set the tone for the way you will be treated in all of your relationships.
4. Your Soulmate Is Out There Somewhere Waiting For You
As much as you'd like to believe that you'll never find someone and that you're somebody who "isn't meant to be loved", but that's a load of horse crap and you know it. With 7 billion people in the world, you are bound to find your soulmate. Also who's to say that we only have one? Some people go through so many relationships that have failed before they find the person that they are going to be with for the rest of their lives. In contrast, some people have gone a huge part of their lives not dating and stumble upon the person that they end up marrying. You can't predict what's going to happen for you, good or bad - that's called the circle of life. So don't count yourself out just yet, your time will come. Until then, try not to be so hard on yourself.
5. Never Settle
One of the worst things that you can do is to settle for a guy just because you want to be loved or because you're afraid to be alone. When you find the person that is right for you, you'll know it, you won't be looking for it, and you will definitely not have to force it. Relationships are meant to bring love and happiness, not stress and a bunch of unanswered questions. So if you feel that you are questioning whether you should be with someone, stop and ask yourself if you're with that person because you can't live without them or if you're with them simply because you want someone to be with.
6. You're Perfect Just As You Are
Despite what you feel and what people may have told you, there is nothing wrong with you. Just because a guy tells you that you are too sensitive, that your laugh is annoying or that you're not his version of beautiful does not mean that you go and change yourself for him. When you love someone, you love them for all that they are and you never try to change them. So if you feel a guy is trying to "fix" or change you, that is the time that you need to cut your losses and run, because that is not someone you should be with. You are your own version of beautiful, and you are not defined by anyone's opinion of what you should be.
7. Have A Little Faith
Just because you haven't been chosen by anyone doesn't mean that you never will be. I know it can be hard to stay positive, especially after being rejected time and time again, but believe me when I say that one day, you will meet that person that will change everything. He wont care that you cry at the little things or that you snort when you laugh. He will accept you for you and you won't have to ask him to choose you - he'll do it because he wants to, and in that moment, you won't have to wonder why things never worked out with anyone else.
