On my first day of high school, my best friend’s mom was going to pick us up since neither of us were old enough to drive yet. After the last bell rang, we met in the lunch room which was basically the center of the school, so we could walk to her mom’s car together. I got there before she did, so I was waiting on her (scared to death of all the big seniors running past me if I might say), and all of a sudden she came running up to me with the biggest smile on her face.
“Kayla, I met the man I’m going to marry!”
Of course, I had to ask a million questions about it, but I just rolled my eyes and laughed because of course she would find her one true love on our first day of high school. Right.
Well, I was wrong. He was three years older than us and a complete sweetheart to her. They had their very last elective of the day together, and I think they fell more in love with each other each time they entered that class. They were pretty steady with each other in the beginning, just two kids who couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Throughout the year, some things would come up, they would take a break here and there, but for the most part, I knew they would never let go of each other completely. There was another time when I thought I was wrong. They had broken up for what reason I can’t recall at the moment, but she started to see other people and so did he. But even then, I knew it wasn’t over between the two of them. Years pass and his name would get brought up in conversation, but it was never anything more than that. Well I’ll be damned if he didn’t show back up again! And needless to say, I was thrilled for her. I knew this was the person she genuinely loved and not someone she would love temporarily.
In August of 2015, I moved off to school in Tennessee, so I only kept up with their relationship through social media or by whatever she would tell me during our phone conversations. I was home visiting in the winter. I think it was around Christmas time. I got a text from her and it was a picture- a picture of a rock on her finger to be exact. He had proposed. My best friend was going to get married to this boy she promised me she would when we were 14 years old. Let the wedding planning begin.
I knew she was going to need a lot of help because he was getting deployed to Afghanistan short months later, but that’s what best friends are for.
He deployed, and for the most part, she took it extremely well- way better than I would have. Days pass and she would text me things like, “I got to talk to him today! He says things are hard there, but I know this is what he wants to do in life.” It was honestly a really beautiful love story. Then things started to get rocky between them. She would tell me that he was just being distant with her and she couldn’t figure out why. She said things just weren’t the same. Well, things never got any better. He eventually told her that he wanted to break off the engagement. Neither of us know or probably will ever know the exact reason, but we also probably can never understand what he’s going through over there.
Strangely enough, she was okay with it. Did she want to break it off? No. She fought long and hard to try to make it work- to try and be understanding of his situation, but when it came down to it, I think she knew it was the best thing for them.
She’s told me that through all of this, she had grown a lot closer with God. I mean, you kind of have to when going through what she went through, but I think this is why she was okay with it all. She knows that if he is the person God wants her to be with, He will make sure that he pops back up in her life one day.
Well, at this point, there’s not much more she can do but try to move on. He’s going to be in Afghanistan for some more months, so at least for now, she needs to get her mind off of it. Just here recently, she texted me asking for some advice. She said that the whole break up is finally catching up with her, and she's a little more hesitant about getting into another relationship if it ever comes up.
“Kayla, how do I trust someone else after all of this?”
I think there are a lot of people like her. A ton of people get their hearts broken and don’t know if they can ever trust someone the same again. I’m one of those people. I wouldn’t say I was “hesitant” to get into the relationship I am in now, but I had to learn to trust him the way I used to trust others.
I gave her the same advice I had to learn for myself. Girls say, “All guys are the same,” but that’s not necessarily always true. Boys are very different. They’re raised differently, have different values and morals, etc. What an insult it is to say that they all are the same dirt bags. Maybe it’s your own fault for choosing similar guys to get your heart broken by.
When you find a nice guy you might be interested in, no handbook says you have to trust him all at once. That’s why they say you have to “learn” to trust someone. When you’re sitting in math class on the first day of school, do you know all the information you’ll be gaining through the whole year on the first day? Absolutely not. You have to “learn” it.
I think a big issue we have religiously with dating is that our human feelings get in the way of God. I mean, we can’t help it. Our hormones get the best of us, and it’s hard to control who we have feelings for and who we don’t. But that’s the challenge God places upon us. I am a firm believer that dating is a test of faith. It’s a test on whether we will let God take the reigns or not. I’ve prayed my whole life for the man I’m with now, and if for some reason we don’t spend forever together, I really hope it’s close to that.
On the contrary, God may lead you to some men that aren’t always right for you, but once again, this is a test of faith. And on some tests, you make mistakes, but you know what the beauty is about making mistakes? You can learn from them.
Basically, I want my best friend to be as happy as she can, whether it’s with that boy from the ninth grade or someone else God has planned for her. The thing that sucks about life is we absolutely can’t control it and also have no way of knowing what’s going to happen, but that’s where the power of prayer can be incredible. I am here to tell you now that it is okay to trust again. It’s okay to love again when you don’t think you have any left in you. It’s okay to be hurt, but it’s also okay to let someone help you recover. Especially in this day and age, we have such a negative attitude towards relationships, but the most important thing is to let it be genuine. You can’t force love. That’s when people make it hard. Love is easy. Find someone who makes you feel beautiful and makes you light up when they walk in the room from a long day at work when they’re all sweaty and gross. I promise that God hasn’t forgotten about you. Trust in Him, and he will help you trust in others.
