I bet you’re excited. I bet you’re nervous. I bet you’re stressed out. Now, go ahead Mom, ask me how I know. Ask me how I know and I’d tell you:
I know you the way you know me. I can tell when you’re stressed out and I can tell when you’re trying to hide it. Let me be the first to tell you, maybe you hide it well from the people at work or the cashier at the grocery store – but I can tell. Just like when you look at me and know that I’ve had a rough day, I can sense this, too. Maybe I got this wonderful trait from you. I sure hope so, you’re all I hope to be when I grow up.
Today we remember a very special person. We’ll sing our hearts out because hey, why not? And we’ll sing because we know he never would if he were still here with us today. These last couple of weeks that led up to today have been full of running around and preparing, feeling like there are never enough hours in the day, and probably some sadness. But mom, you’ve done a lot of work for today I know everything is going to be perfect. Every time we've done this, it has been. Remember the first year we did it? Though its vague in my mind, I do remember how it went. I remember wearing matching shirts, black and white tank tops, one on top of the other. I remember the opening song is always “Calling All Angels” by Train; and I know the reason is just that – we are trying to call the angels to our party.
I know it must be hard sometimes to feel like you’re living without him – a part of you must always feel like it's missing. But that’s exactly it; it’s a just a feeling. Maybe physically he has left, moved on to a better place where he never feels pain, but looks down on us and smiles because of all of the crazy things we do and how we’ve found our own ways to remember him. Maybe he laughs when the dog rolls over randomly and stares at you until you feel obligated to get up and give her a tummy rub.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that today, everything will go perfectly. If none of the food heats up and everybody has to eat cold food – the day will still be perfect. If the microphone doesn’t work and we all have to scream the lyrics and really go off key – the day will still be perfect. If we get lost on the way, or the lights go out (remember that year?!) or every person that attends doesn’t feel like singing (hah!) – the day will still be perfect.
So on this day, Mom, don’t be stressed about every little thing that seems to be out of place. Don’t stressed because you don’t know what to wear or how to style your hair so you don’t look “old” (*eye roll*). But step back and look at the bigger picture. Look and see how even after so many years, your brother’s presence is still very much a part of everyone’s lives. Thanks for keeping his memory alive after all of these years and for sharing him with the people who just came into our lives. Your kindness inspires me to be better than I am and to live for something bigger. I can see all the love you still feel along with the hurt from his passing – and it’s okay to never fully feel better, but know that we are always here to make you feel better the best way that we know how.
We love you.
