Losing yourself has to be one of the worst things a person must learn to cope with, for it’s so hard to acknowledge the fact that you’re gone in the first place. This process causes one to begin to lose sight of what they want to accomplish in life, whether the goal is short term or long term. This loss of self-awareness that drags a person down affects them in a way they would never expect it. The everyday tasks that would be so habitual to them, would soon become the very things they struggle to even want to get up in the morning to do. The consequences that follow can lead one down a very risky path. It’s very upsetting to say that some are never able to get out of this living nightmare they are forced to walk through daily. However, I, on the other hand, am happy to be one of those people that made it out alive.

This year has been one hell of a year for me in general. Between family conflicts and college, I felt as if the life I once knew was slowly becoming one I could barely grasp onto. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, or even where to go. In addition, I dreaded going home. I was always on edge, for I knew another quarrel at home would happen once I walked through the door that night. The life I knew began to go on while I was still latched onto the familiarity of the past. I would never admit it then, but I knew there was something seriously wrong going on inside of my head. Not to mention, it probably didn’t help that I kept everything that hurt me to myself. I was just waiting for the self-destruct button to go off. There were so many times when I felt like nothing, that there was no purpose to my life. I felt as though the people that said they would be there for me, weren’t really there. I honestly never felt so alone. I started to lose sight of what was real. Additionally, I began to lose sight of what family even meant, as well as home because they were both no long accessible for me. I became this miserable person with dry, worn out eyes from crying constantly over memories that still haunt me today. Life this past year was just a phase for me where I lifelessly walked around just to get through the day.

Now one may ask what happened next? I mean things probably would have taken a turn for the worst, but somehow I got through this crazy roller coaster ride that I thought was inevitable. I was really one of the lucky ones, I guess you could say, even though it didn’t feel like it at the time. Though my drive was not what it once was, I made myself step out of my comfort zone, especially when I felt like I was stranded. I was a cheerleader, part of an acapella group, and even took music lessons where I performed in a band. I also forced myself to get on top of applying to colleges, even though it was extremely stressful. Thankfully, I managed to get into all of the universities to which I applied. I knew if I just sat there and did nothing throughout this downfall in my life, I would be declining at a steep pace. However, these things allowed me to gain some kind of a reassurance of who I was, even though I felt I was still lost in this darkness with minimal light.

I know I’m not fully myself again, but I’m okay with it. Two things I would like you to take away from this article would be that it is OK not be happy all the time, and it is OK to get help when you feel like you are drowning. For the longest time, I had trouble admitting to myself that I was depressed and had anxiety issues. Now I can proudly say I’m no longer afraid to admit it. I know I’m not perfect and that panic attacks are bound to happen, but that is why I’m continuously working on myself. By attempting to have a grasp on who I am to reevaluate the things in my life, has made me a stronger person. NOBODY is perfect. Being anything other than happy is not a crime, and if we, as a society, keep burying our problems in the ground NOTHING will ever be resolved.

I hope this message helps anyone out there who feels down about themselves. You’re NOT worthless and you mean more than you’ll ever know. Trust me because I’m slowly, yet surely, learning that it is true.