In my recent years of becoming a Christian, I have found that one of the hardest battles to fight is letting go of the plans I had in order to follow the plans God has for me. I’m stubborn. I don’t like to be told what to do. I’m set in my ways, and sometimes it can even be a struggle for me to let all of that go and do what God wants.

I decided to follow Christ at what seemed like a really inconvenient time: my senior year in high school. I had all these plans set and I was ready to go. I was ready to do my own thing and start the rest of my life, until discovering God had other plans. My biggest dream has always been to go to beauty school and live my life doing the one thing that has never lost my interest and I’ve never lost passion for. I let that dream go so I could attend the college God wanted me to. I’m not saying I didn’t fight. I kicked, I screamed, and the amount of times I’ve almost dropped out because this wasn’t what I wanted is scary. But it’s not up to me. My life isn’t my own anymore, and it hasn’t been easy to come to terms with this.

It’s hard to let go of your own plans and your own feelings and put your trust in God when you have no idea where that leads. You can trust that everything you need will be provided for you, but like, what does that mean? What does that entail? What will I have to do? Where does this all lead? I hate the unknown. I don’t like surprises. I don’t like being surprised, and that makes it hard to let go of my life and put it in someone else’s hands, even if that someone else is the Almighty God.

I feel as though sometimes God and I are in this game of tug-of-war, and I just know I’m going to lose but I’m so stubborn I refuse to let go of the rope. I envision He’s holding the rope with only two fingers while sitting in some form of glorious lawn chair and sipping some lemonade while my knuckles have turned completely white and I’ve given myself the worst rope burn imaginable. While all this is going down, I know it would just be easier to let go. I know it would make me so happy to stop fighting and run to God with open arms, but letting go will always be the hardest part.

I’m not perfect, but I have improved. Trust is something that will never come easily, but in the struggles of all of this, I’m always reminded of a verse my grandfather nearly drilled into my head. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.” He will provide for us, He will take care of us, He has everything laid out for us, and all we have to do is let go, trust and follow.