Typically, you might identify as "gay”, "straight" or "pans." Perhaps, you throw your hands up in the air singing "ayyyoooo," because who cares how you identify? Throughout society, there have been several social constructs forcing humans to "categorize" or "identify" oneself in a group; potentially, due to the patriarchal structures and institutions we're imbedded in. Although, has anyone ever challenged this thought? Personally, I absolutely regret placing labels on my sexuality back in high school, because throughout college I have learned, sexuality is fluid... There is no right or wrong answer/ways to conclude how you identify, which in itself is the answer, am I right? Throughout my three years at undergrad at a diverse and quirky university, there are three pivotal moments that made me realize I am attracted and have ability to love all humans no matter their sex, race, religion, etc.
1. A long-term relationship will create growth and change during your years at college:
I entered my first year at university not only with excitement, but a committed relationship with my high school sweetheart, you could say. Although I cherished this relationship, the aftermath was obvious: we both wanted to explore who we were. Once she hit her first year, and I my second year of university, things fell through. Relationships are hard to maintain during university, living close or far away, because of the innate power of wanting to seek others out. Especially since in college we are confronted with individuals who intrigue us daily. To be frank, I felt I stole away her freedom to explore herself and options of other partners. This doesn't mean I didn't love her with every fiber of my being, but it meant we both understood we were two different people during our years at college. Months later... Broken up and trying to "find" myself; I found myself embarrassed if I thought a man cis-gender was attractive or, I was ashamed for flirting with that cute trans-guy in my childhood development course. Either way, sexuality structures marked me to be "Stephanie, the lesbian" due to the high school label I had upon myself. I felt so entrapped in this label, I shut my emotional/physical thoughts down; and repetitively told myself "you're so gay, it's not even funny how gay." All in all, it is important to realize... High school does not define you. Get rid of those labels and start college fresh, open slate. College will challenge these labels, your relationships can change, heck even your perceptions of the world might- but that's okay. Change only means you have more room to grow into the person you're striving to be, and can help destroy the norm of sexuality and create a foundation for you to explore it.
2. So called, "slut phase":
Yes, "slut phase." Don't get me wrong, I do not 'slut shame.' Hell, the first rule in our apartment is "No slut shaming: encourage her to be the best damn hoe she can be." This being said with seriousness and humor, of course. But, real talk: I had a good year-and-a-half phase of hook ups and different flings here and there- nothing seemed to settle with me. Perhaps, it's because I'm a commitment-phob? Perhaps, I wanted to continue with my "fun" lifestyle, who knows? Yet, it made sense: I was realizing I wasn't solely attracted to women as I thought. As I went from bar to bar, show to show, party to party- what have you- I found myself absolutely infatuated with humans in general. Now, this sounds similar to being 'pansexual,' I know. Except, the difference is: I don't care in the freakin' slightest to label myself- even if I lean towards liking one gender (human) more than the other. Sexuality is fluid. I am coming to terms with accepting my attraction- emotional and physical- towards that ridiculously attractive-tatted, stubble guy, or that quirky, green-eyed beauty of a gal. But I cannot deny there was a "friends with benefits"-type-thing that led to this "acceptance." No, it wasn't the friend; rather, it was her outlook about sexuality and how open she was with it. Perhaps, it was her "dick week" ideology, that truly ran this out of the ball park for me. This friendship has helped me push my boundaries, explore my "options" and made me become more comfortable with my "sexuality," whatever that might be. And, I am okay without knowing the "whatever", because all ll I know is... An individual should have the freedom to sexually, romantically and mentally explore the human to their liking: without judgment, without patriarchal norms shouting at us, and mainly, a person with confidence. I came to more realizations with who I am by my several "flings" and that one friend with benefits shindig- than I have the past 21 years of my existence. It is worth it to "explore" in college, I promise. Cheers to 'dick week'.
3: Your Perception of yourself:
As cliché as I possibly can be, think of this: how can you build a connection with someone, if you do not have that sense of self-respect, self-confidence and self-love? In order to flourish in a relationship, in any regards, your mental health and physical being comes first. I have been in my fair share of unhealthy relationships- physically, romantically, or friendships, etc. only because I accepted what I thought I deserved. Reflecting back, I cringe at the thought of the low-self esteem I carried, which heavily affected my perception of myself. Last year, I was beyond ashamed if I flirted with a guy because "I'm gay. Gay, and only gay," not because I'm human who has innate desires, needs and wants.
As the year progressed, I began to learn more and more. I realized, I could not control who I thought was attractive, I could not control the platonic relationship I built with a guy, or rather, the fun "flings" I've experienced with different genders. I, myself, climbed out of a vicious, torturous cycle of self-loathing due to crippling eating disorders and life hitting me. Once I've freed myself from that- I have gained confidence in my walk, my talk and my overall being like never before. I am so proud to say who I am without labels, to challenge societal norms, and importantly; to love whomever I damn well please to, in any way I want as well.
To say the least, I am not stressing that everyone should or needs to explore their sexuality. I am not saying these are the steps: I'm just sharing my experience. You can only define yourself, and remember: sexuality is a natural process. I hope my complicated, maddening journey helped one of you beautiful humanoids, because we all have the ability to love in any shape, way, or form- regardless of gender, race, religion, etc.
