Our story, dear reader, takes its form in 9 parts. The stage is set in the over summer vacation. Summer travel is at its peak, and tempers are rivaling midday temperatures...

Part 1: Background

The protagonist of the story is a young woman about to head off to college. Before the occasion, her parents and she went to Hawaii on vacation, piggybacking on a work trip of her father’s. The trip required a flight from Baltimore to Chicago to Honolulu, and the same reversed for the return trip.

She couldn’t remember having flown before, although she had once previously, down to Disney. This time she was going to capture it in amazing detail, her camera at the ready, from the window seats. The sky dazzled her and the feeling of flying was enchanting. However, magic does dull with overexposure, and a flight from Chicago to Honolulu is eight hours in a speeding tin can.

Part 2: Innocence Lost

Our story begins on a fine Hawaiian afternoon, on which our protagonist had packed her bags the day before and was sufficiently prepared for the journey home.

…or so she thought.

After all, what would await her except her fluffy loaf that she missed so much?

She boarded the plane with that kind of awkwardness one possesses with lugging a carry-on and climbed into one of the middle seats in a row of four. She sat down and settled in to read her book.

Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked.

Part 3: Elaboration

The fire nation, or rather a similarly crazed boy we shall call Pete. (His real name isn’t Pete, don’t worry). At the initial approach, he appeared to be a nice enough stout young man, perhaps 14 or so. Looks can be very deceiving, dear reader, as our protagonist soon discovered, much to her horror.

Part 4: The First Red Flag

A younger boy accompanied Pete and his family on to the plane; presumably, it was his brother. Distressed during the boarding process, a woman, perhaps an aunt, cried out, “You left it WHERE?”

Alas, the carefree young lad seemed to have misplaced his iPad.

“Basically a sin,” decreed a jazzy older man from the row behind, rousing a laugh from his group as a panicked mother rushed from the plane to the waiting area in search of the iPad. Her disgruntled return was set to simmer to a frothy rage as she uncovered said cherished device in a carry-on bag.

Pete, who had been lording this slight transgression over his younger brother to the family behind, the one with the jazzy grandfather with the sassy comment, then proceeded to argue with his mother over his own iPad, and the coveted wifi connection.

The boy was short of temper and the woman was not of great understanding of the functional process of applications. Tension rose in a way that made the observing protagonist think about how she did not argue with her family in public and shift uncomfortably in her seat next to Pete.

Across the aisle, Pete’s mother confiscated the device due to his insolent tone. He then proceeded to SHRIEK that he was NOT LYING about the wifi. And then he cried. He was much too old to be crying in public in such a display, but an exact age became increasingly harder to pinpoint, although the protagonist was lowering her estimate by the minute.

Eventually, he settled down after the gracious flight attendant asked him to hold her props for the safety demonstration. And eventually, his iPad was returned.

Part 5: A Brief Aside

There was yet another fussy young rouge in the aisle in front of our characters, but he possessed a much more appropriate excuse for his behavior: he was a toddler.

And in the row behind our characters, the row with Grampy Sassypants, was a babe of eight months, who was much better behaved than any other young man on the plane, if this narrator is to be honest with herself. He did not cry, but his heart swelled with the giggle of an angel and he slept restfully.

Bless this child. May he forever prosper.

Part 6: The Second Red Flag

Our protagonist had quietly finished the book she had started on the flight over to Hawaii and had also finished her sandwich before starting another book. In this time Pete has propped his iPad in the holder attached to the back of the seat in front of him. He proceeded to watch the screen, and alternatively to play games, leaning so far forward that our protagonist wondered about his eyesight.

Then, he began poking the screen with his nose, as if his greatest desire was to join a family of woodpeckers when the plane landed in Chicago. This curious incident occurred for quite an EXTENDED period of time.

Then about an hour from landing, Pete announced to his mother than his nose was bleeding. This narrator is not SAYING that the two events are connected, but a relation is not an impossibility. Pete and his mother commenced a search for tissues. Having found none, Pete’s mother orders him to use the BLANKET provided by the airline, that is presumed to be washed an reused.

Hopefully not anymore.

Pete roamed the aisles like the Bloody Baron, bickering with his mother about the proper way to stop a bloody nose. Eventually, toilet paper was recovered for some shoddy first aid.

*Protip* (not followed by the above party, but greatly recommended by nurses) tilt one’s head forward and pinch the bridge of the nose to stop the bleeding. Seek medical assistance if the bleeding doesn’t stop in 10-15 minutes.

Part 7: A Second Brief Aside

It is the conclusion of the protagonist that Pete had ADHD or something similar. The idea was scientifically studied on the basis of two facts. 1) Pete took a medication halfway through the flight, in what would be the morning, and 2) THE KID WOULD NOT STOP BOUNCING HIS GODDAMN LEGS.

I, dear reader, do not mean mildly up and down. I mean like someone doing that weird hands on the knees dance.

And he also kept touching the protagonists, kicking her while her tried to cross and uncross his legs. But wait! There’s more! He rocked back and forth like he was at a rock and roll concert. He also hogged the armrest, of which he had two because he was in the aisle.

The nerve.

Part 8: The Last Straw

In Chicago, it had begun to rain, and it was indeed earning its title as the windy city. The plane rocked and ducked gently for a long while, occasionally causing a gasp or huff as it rocked a bit too hard, sending hands fluttering to grip seatbacks.

The protagonist joked with her mother that she no longer wished to be on the roller coaster ride and that she had left her stomach somewhere in Nebraska. Very droll of her. *laughs poshly* Well low and behold, Pete was not coping too well either. He turned to his own mother and said, “This isn’t agreeing with my stomach very well,” flowed swiftly by, “I’m going to throw up.”

Our protagonist’s singular thought was at that moment was OH NO YOU ARE NOT.

But alas our protagonist was not endowed with mind control. She watched in horror, cringing hard into her mother’s side, as Pete hurled his chicken sandwich and pretzels into the barf bag his mother held over the aisle.

There was no escape. The sound rings in her ears to this very day.

A small portion of our protagonist’s soul perished that hour. The woman next to her mother gave her a look of profound pity. The woman covered her face with the blanket and looked away. If only the protagonist could have so easily rid herself of the situation.

Part 9: The End – A Modest Reflection

I was traumatized. I need therapy. Send help.