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Five Ways To Win Him Back

Breakups suck.

Sarah Werthmann

Sep 15, 2015

Smith College

www.hdwallnpics.com

Hey, ladies. Breakups are hard, right? Because your man is the most important thing in your life. (He is, isn't he? Because if not, then he should be. Get it together. Rethink your priorities). Here are five surefire ways to get that special guy back in your life!

1. Slather all of his belongings in grape jelly.

You know that shirt he left at your place? Spread some good ol’ grape jelly on that garment. His favorite book ("Catcher in the Rye," perhaps?) Go through every page and cover it with delicious grape goodness. Next time he opens it up he will be delighted by this sweet surprise! His XBOX controller? You guessed it. Grape. It. Up. He will love it.

2. Send him one text every day for exactly 13 days.

Each time, the message should read: “The forest sees all. The ocean hears all. The sky knows all.”

This should do the trick, but if not:

3. Collect all of your tears in a jar.

Put a flower in the jar. Attach a note to the flower that says “Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. This is extremely important. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.This is extremely important. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. This is extremely important. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. This is extremely important. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.” Do not give him the flower.

4. “Accidentally” run into him.

Obviously not with a real car, okay? Just borrow your niece’s Barbie Jeep and cruise around town. When you see your ex, gently bump into him. He will probably want to know what you are doing driving around in a child’s toy vehicle. This is a great conversation starter. Soon enough, the two of you will be chatting it up just like old times!

5. Invite him to the zoo.

Take him to the lizard exhibit. Point out every breed of lizard and carefully explain the distinctions between each. Lecture him about the importance of lizards. He needs to know.

He needs to know.

Hope this all helps!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Five Ways To Win Him Back

Breakups suck.

1. Slather all of his belongings in grape jelly.

2. Send him one text every day for exactly 13 days.

3. Collect all of your tears in a jar.

4. “Accidentally” run into him.

5. Invite him to the zoo.

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Here are just a few of those things.

Take the time to thank that one friend in your life you will never let go of.

1. Thank you for being the one I can always count on to be honest.

2. Thank you for accepting me for who I am.

3. Thank you for teaching me what real love feels like.

4. Thank you for always making sure I'm safe.

5. Thank you for going through things with me.

6. Thank you for teaching me to take care of myself.

7. Thank you for going out of your way to make me feel supported.

8. Thank you for always being there to back me up, even when you know I'm wrong.

9. Thank you for constantly pushing me to live up to my potential.

10. Lastly, thank you for making such a huge impact on my life.

It sucks, but you’ll make it through

1. Please just be seasonal allergies

2. I must not have gotten enough sleep last night

3. I’ll just take a little nap

4. Oh no, I have so much due tomorrow!

5. I’m fine, I’ll just sleep it off

6. Do I have to be responsible today?

7. Ugh no, I can’t actually be sick

8. Alright, I’ll take some medicine and I’ll be fine

9. This is the worst day of my life

10. Mom?

11. She was right (like always)

12. Too bad you're busy and can’t take the day off tomorrow

13. You think about taking the day off, but realize you have like three tests

14. You think you're actually going to be sick forever

15. Finally, you're better!

Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

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