We all have that go-to person we call when we need advice. It’s the person who will pick up the phone no matter what time it is, the person you can tell anything to without hesitation, and the person who will help you see the situation more clearly.
While good listeners might have different approaches, different advice, and even different outlooks, they all have these five traits in common:
1. They hear you out – free of judgment.
You’re never afraid to tell them your story – the whole story. No matter how embarrassing or bad of a position it puts you in, you trust them to keep what you’re sharing between the two of you. You also trust them to keep their opinion of you, and whoever the story might involve, unchanged.
2. They see both sides of the story.
They’re not biased because they’re your friend. They listen to the entire story, from both (or all) perspectives. A good listener picks up on every detail, no matter how minimal it might seem. They keep an open ear, but they also…
3. Know when to step in.
A good listener will ask questions when they feel it is necessary. These questions don’t skew the story or interrupt a train of thought. The questions remind you that they’re hearing what you say – that they’re involved in the conversation.
4. They put themselves in your place.
When someone takes listening and giving advice seriously, they always envision themselves in that position. What would they do? They consider if it’s the right route to take. Most importantly, they consider how that decision will take effect in both the short and the long run.
5. They follow up on their promises.
A good listener will always follow up after giving advice. Whether that advice is taken and acted upon or simply heard, they will always ask how the situation ended up. They do this for a couple of reasons. The first is to check in and make sure everything worked itself out. The second is to recognize the repercussions of their advice. Even though each situation is different, exposure strengthens that advice for the next person who asks.
Good listeners are hard to come by. Instead of focusing on the storyteller, many people turn the situation to focus on themselves and their own experiences – even if they don’t correlate. Can you identify a friend that possesses each of these traits? Keep them close and know you will always be able to count on them to listen. The next time a friend comes to you for advice: try to hear the entire story, see all perspectives, ask questions, put yourself in that position, and follow up on your promises.
