As we all know, the media is generally quite biased. Holding back the truth to slant opinions and always lying about what's really going on. However, I'm here to clear it all up for you with the facts the mainstream media is hiding from us. Read it and be not only shocked but angered by the lack of information given to us that is vital to our existence.

1. Taylor Swift is Actually Britney Spears and Britney Spears is Actually Courtney Love and Courtney Love is Actually Kurt Cobain

What is honestly more maddening than being told that someone is lying about their identity. We all have been bamboozled at one point or another by an ex boyfriend or a family member who is completely lying about their identity. Well, to make matters worse, this false identity crisis is being spread by the mainstream media in their tyrannical reign to ruin our minds and lie to us about who is who.

2. The State of Maine Doesn't Even Exist

That's right. The mainstream media is at it again making you think things exist which in fact do not. Such as the state of Maine. Ever had a family member visit Maine and post all those nice photos in such lovely areas as Portland or Bangor? Well, they aren't in Maine, they are in the mainstream media's construct of Maine. Where they really are is a third dimension that the mainstream media constructed that causes one to think they are in Maine when really they are having their minds wiped by the CIA all while thinking they are shopping in delightful seaside towns and eating fresh lobster. Are you mad? I know I am.

3. A Small, Poor, Orphaned Boy Ghostwrote Everything for Charles Dickens Because He Was Too Busy Counting His Pens To Write

Ever wonder why Charles Dickens' novels are so filled with despair and dark settings? Well, it's all because all of his books were in actuality written by a small, poor, orphaned boy who lived a life of despair and sadness. Why? Well, because Charles Dickens was far too busy counting all of his pens to ever start writing. In fact, Dickens had so many pens that his house was consumed by them and ultimately led to his death by pen crushing. Something else the media doesn't let you know.

4. The Television Show, "Green Acres" was Actually Cancelled Because Every Time It Came On Spiro Agnew Screamed Incessantly and Richard Nixon Couldn't Take It Anymore

Yes, that's right, an American classic canceled because of the selfishness of a former president. You thought Watergate was bad? Let's be looking at Acresgate, the real tragedy of the Nixon presidency. Also for Agnew's screaming, apparently he had a fling with Eva Gabor in the early sixties while both were working for an anticommunist league of militants, and knowing she was on television caused him to scream.

5. The Russian Government Has Implanted Small Lasers in the Eyes of All Squirrels In Case They Need to Start Instant War Among the Rural Inhabitants of Any Country

Vladimir Putin is a Grade A Badass.