Hey you,

You'll probably never see this, and that's fine. You had me at a place where I would've moved mountains for you, in return you shattered my heart and repeatedly did so for the next two years. You broke my heart and I stupidly continued to pick it up and hand it right back to you; that was my first mistake. The second was allowing myself to believe anything you said to be true. After months and months of you filling my heart with false hope I decided I was worth more than a mouthful of lies and broken promises. It took me two years to realize I deserved something better. You may have broken my heart, but you did not break me. You were the driving force in my determination to rise up, so thank you.

A thank you may sound strange but I decided writing it out would help me, and others, realize heartbreak may not be so terrible after a while. The idea of assessing and adjusting to life without your significant other is hard at first, so give it time. If you're fresh out of a relationship reading this, it is either the best or worst thing for you right now.

Thank you for allowing me to feel love. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know how mind-blowing and heart-wrenching it is to love someone so much. You allowed me to know what it felt like to loved and it forever changed me. You gave me something to look forward to. We had a connection I never knew was possible, we connected on an emotional level and in ways I never knew existed. You made me feel things I'd never felt before. Thanks to you I know exactly what I do and don't want in a relationship. Being loved by you was something I took pride in and when you decided I wasn't worth loving anymore I took it upon myself to prove that hopefully someone else would get the privilege to love me and not throw it away.

Thank you for showing me what I want and don't want in a relationship. This is probably the most important thing you ever taught me. When I met you, I was lost and alone and a mess of a person trying so desperately to find my way which clouded my judgment. You were exactly what I needed but down the road you decided I no longer served your life and although it absolutely killed me, I am thankful you stopped watering the dead flower that was our relationship. I know what I am capable of, I know where my strengths and weaknesses lie and being with you showed me the kind of person I deserve to be with and the qualities he should possess in order to fulfill my heart, mind, and soul.

Thank you for giving me strength. I was emotionally unstable when we first met, and for the first time in years, I finally had someone I could talk to about personal things. Eventually, that turned into me unloading on you and I took away your energy and made you deal with my problems because I didn't know how to deal with them myself. It wasn't fair to you. I had no right to make you feel my pain; that isn't what a relationship is and I am so sorry for that, amongst other things. You were the voice of reason in my life; you were the one who told me things I didn't want to hear, but needed to. I was weak when we met both figuratively and actually. I let myself sink into your ways and realized I needed to be stronger for you and for myself. I picked myself up and grew a backbone making sure no one would ever walk over me the way I had let you.

Thank you for eliminating my fairy tales. When I was little I read fairy tales and watched Disney Movies religiously and put the idea of a happy ending into my head. Those perfect endings are not achieved in real life the way they are in movies, you don't wake up one day and realize you're gonna marry the pretty girl with blue eyes. Love is nothing like the books and movies and if I hadn't met you, I would not have known that. In real life, you have to go through the struggle to find strength, you have to lose things in order to make gains, you have to learn that nothing in life worth having comes easy. I want a love that's real, not one I can dream up because that isn't realistic. If and when I get my happy ending, it'll happen on our own terms, not because someone wrote a character into my life.

Thank you for breaking my heart. I know everyone reading this is probably thinking "what the hell?" and five months ago I'd be thinking the same thing. The truth is, if you hadn't hurt me so deeply, I would still be holding on to the idea of you and me ending up together like we planned. If you hadn't broken up with me, I would be the same fragile, pathetic girl I was when I was eighteen and dependent on you. If you had not broken my heart I would not know happiness outside your arms, and I've learned the world is full of it and I produce and control my own happiness, no one else has that power. If you had not broken my heart I would never have become the independent person I am today. There will always be a part of me who treasures you because of the person I was when I was with you and I can't thank you enough for coming into my life when you did. I know we haven't spoken in months and chances are I'll never see or hear from you again, but I hope you're doing well and beaming with happiness. I don't hate you for hurting me because no matter what I could never hate you.

There is a part of me that is always going to care for you; you were my first love. You made me both flourish and deteriorate which was a lethal combination. Eventually, you realized our love was toxic, that we were no good for each other, and as hard as it was for us to let each other go, I guess it worked out. I spent two years trying to force myself into believing you would come back, but you didn't, and around that time I told myself that I was not a sit-around-and-wait type of girl. You broke my heart, and out of it came an entirely different person with a whole new outlook on life.

Learning to love is trial and error, and I'm glad we tried because I'm grateful it was you who taught me how to love. I hope one day I find someone who I can love in ways I couldn't love you; I hope I learn to love him better than I loved you. I hope you've found your safe haven; I hope you're living out your dreams.

Sincerely,
The one who got away