Many of us lose ourselves during periods of stress, loneliness or change. As a college student, there have been many moments when I’ve forgotten who I am and what I stand for. I've watched friends fall down dark rabbit holes of popularity, academics and conformity; each one hitting the bottom with a confused thud. After emerging from my own underground wreckage, I realized that five key activities helped me to find freedom and rediscover my true sense of self.
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1. Appreciate.
To Get Started: Read "29 Gifts"by Cami Walker. This book taught me how to give and receive consciously!
Gratitude is one of the most important aspects of reclaiming authenticity. In order to appreciate yourself you must first appreciate your surroundings. No matter what your situation is, there's always something to be thankful for – whether it be as general as the roof over your head or as specific as that compliment the cashier at the grocery store gave you. There are many simple methods of practicing gratitude. I like to switch on an L.E.D. candle (because real ones aren't allowed in dorms) every night and think of five enjoyable moments that occurred during my day. I often find myself appreciating similar events and people every night, but that’s okay because they help me to realize the abundance of love that I experience daily. After giving thanks, it's important to realize that you've manifested all that you have to be grateful for. Personally, this helps me to remember my values and gives my life purpose.
2. Eat right and exercise.
To Get Started: Have you tried Kombucha?! If you haven't, make sure to check it out. GT's multigreen is my favorite for an afternoon pick-me-up.
Mental health and physical health go hand in hand. Eating healthy and exercising daily may at first seem like a waste of time, but after experiencing the satisfaction and confidence that come with these two activities, you'll realize that they're definitely worth the time and effort. One hour of exercise four to five times per week and two health-conscious meals per day foster stronger physical health, which leads to improved mental health. I satisfy my desire to eat healthy by adding a bowl of raw spinach to lunch and dinner. I also make sure that I eat breakfast, usually a Kashi granola bar and an Ensure (I'm an old man), every morning. When I work out I do one more rep than I did the last time; this gives me satisfaction and the sense of accomplishment. Now, I want to make it clear that there is definitely a difference between integrating a nutritious diet and exercise into your life and obsessing over eating a certain number of calories and spending a certain amount of time at the gym. This extreme usually stems from societal pressures to look a certain way, which only leads to defeat. Eating right and exercising, in moderation, encourages self-confidence, which will allow you to be candid in social situations and help you to feel proud of who you really are.
3. Treat yourself.
To Get Started: Start compiling a list of your all time favorite feel-good movies and TV shows. One of my favorites is "Naomi & Ely's No Kiss List." I know it features Victoria Justice, but just give it a chance!
In the midst of academic assignments, social commitments and other obligations, treating yourself can be very difficult. Whenever I feel overwhelmed with responsibilities I take a break from everything and everyone and treat myself. Even if it's something little, like buying an extra coffee, self-indulgence really does improve mood and restore balance. This is a very simple solution to stress and lethargy, but it proves to be surprisingly difficult for some. Many people’s actions, including self-gratification, rely heavily on others’ opinions and judgements, which leads to frustration and helplessness. I know that I struggled with finding activities that released my stressors because I was so focused on how others would view me - I thought that hanging out with friends was my only relief from the weight of life. Some methods that helped me to break free from this mindset included watching feel-good movies, walking a couple of extra blocks off campus to buy myself Dunkin Donuts coffee and writing poems. Once you let go of your inhibitions, you'll understand what you really need to be happy.
4. Reach out.
To Get Started: Think of your high school lunch table senior year. Who were your favorite "lunch friends" and when was the last time you talked to them? Instead of sending that "miss u" text, video chat! You'll be surprised at how awesome it feels to actually see their faces.
It's very easy to forget your roots, especially if you're a college student. Immersing yourself in a completely new and stimulating environment makes it difficult to keep “home friends” and to regularly communicate with family. Although college promotes self discovery and encourages new relationships, a lot of times a huge part of your identity deals with your childhood. Take the time to reach out to your parents and siblings, an old friend, a neighbor or even a former teacher. It's super reassuring to know that you have support, not only from your college community, but also from your home town. This also inspires self-restoration; you recognize both the types of and the specific people who you sincerely want to surround yourself with.
5. Try something new.
To Get Started: Next time you walk by one of those over-crowded bulletin boards, stop and take a step back. Take five minutes to actually read all of those flyers and choose at least one event to attend, club to join or hobby to pursue.
Spontaneity is definitely one of the biggest contributors to happiness and self-knowing. Be open to new opportunities and try to change up your schedule. I'm a super organized person so I like to have my days and future completely planned. Once I let go of this obsession with schedules, I discovered a lot about myself and met many new and amazing people. I looked into campus organizations that I had no experience with, like LU’s Finest (the step team). When I joined the step team I wasn't even sure what it was, but I decided to try it out. Now step is one of my top priorities and I like to consider myself a pretty good stepper. Trying something new doesn't have to be as major as joining a new club though. Simple changes also make a difference; you can study in a different work space, eat lunch at a new time or try a new latte flavor. Diversity creates opportunities for you to discover the things that you honestly enjoy.
With self-restoration comes limitless opportunities. Once you have confidence in your surroundings and yourself, you'll find happiness, break down the walls built by stereotypes and, most importantly, promote your authentic self. One of my favorite celebrities ever, Tina Fey, once wrote,“Don't waste your energy trying to change opinions ... Do your thing, and don't care if they like it.” Next time you find yourself at the bottom of the ditch, remember that there is always a way out.
