You sit down in class on the first day and see on the syllabus that you have a paper due three months from now. "No big deal," you think, "It's a long way off, and I can cross that bridge when I get there." Except now, it's a week away. Here are the ???? steps of procrastination that you'll go through before you ever get it done.
Step One: Denial
I still have a whole week left. That's plenty of time. I don't have to get started on it right this moment. Plus, I have so much other stuff I could be doing that needs to be done before then, such as doing laundry, watching my favorite television show that I HAVE to watch live (so no one spoils it) and sending that one e-mail. Oh yeah, I definitely don't need to start the paper yet. Besides, it's only six pages minimum, how long could that possibly take?
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Step Two: Planning
Tomorrow, I'll write an outline. Wednesday, I can write a draft and send it to Dad to edit. He'll probably take all of Thursday before he sends it back. Then, I can edit on Friday and have the weekend free before it's due on Monday. Perfect!
Step Three: Throwing Out the Plan
Tuesday: I know I said I needed to write the outline today, but we did a lot in class, and I told my roommate I would cook dinner, so it wouldn't really hurt if I waited to start until tomorrow.
Thursday: I completely forgot I even had a paper due. I wonder if I still have time to write a draft and get dad to edit it. I just found my favorite movie on TV! Well, now I have to watch it.
Friday: I've realized I really need to go run some errands. I can do that and then come back and work on my paper... unless everybody wants to go out to dinner. Then, I'll go out to dinner because I have been out all week, I have to treat myself sometimes.
Saturday: I need at least one day of the week where I don't do any work, and I think it should be today. Everybody deserves a day off.
Sunday evening: There is no way anybody is going to be able to edit this in time, but that's okay, I'll just edit it myself.
Step Four: Last Minute Procrastinating
8:00 p.m.: Alright, I'm just going to get settled, and, then, I'll start on my paper. First, I need to get something to drink, definitely some water and maybe some hot tea, that will be nice. Oh man, look how dirty this kitchen it, I should clean it really quickly before starting the paper. It shouldn't take too long.
9:30 p.m.: Now, I have a clean kitchen and something to drink. I can make myself a nice comfy spot on the couch with this blanket. All I need to do is get my backpack. Oh look, my planner! I should make sure it's up to date with everything.
10:30 p.m.: It's really time to get started on my paper now. I should check all of my social media accounts before I begin, so I won't feel the need to do it while I'm writing.
Midnight: I got distracted by those really entertaining on quizzes on Facebook for a little bit, but I'm really ready to go now.
2:00 a.m.: I've written two pages! However, now it's two in the morning. If I go to sleep now I can still get at least five hours of sleep and wake up to finish the paper. I'm so tired right now, anyway. My brain will be able to think better in the morning.
Step Five: Finishing the Project
I set my alarm for seven, but I hit snooze until eight. I have until 2 p.m. to write this with a class from 11-12 in the middle of today. I got this.
1:58 p.m.: It's finished.
Somehow, you manage to get it done. Way to go to all you procrastinators out there and try to give yourself a little more time for the next big project you have. (Yeah, right.)
