It’s the most wonderful time of the year, for everybody except college students. That’s right, for college students, the beginning of December is filled with late nights, long papers, and lots and lots of stress. Because all of a sudden, everything we’ve been putting off until the end of the semester is here… at the end of the semester.
Which is why every good college student knows that the best thing to do when trying to avoid dead week projects and studying for finals is to go online. The Internet is a marvelous thing filled with wondrous distractions that can literally last for hours.
Because everybody knows that we really do work best under pressure, right?
If you’re trying to avoid studying for finals, or doing the homework that will inevitably pile up and crush your soul, then I’m sure you’ll enjoy these five stages of grief (a.k.a. the five stages of dead week) as told by classic The Office’s Michael Scottmemes.
1. Denial
Stage one of dead week: denial. Like Michael when he realizes Toby has returned to the office after his time in Costa Rica, we don’t want to believe that this is happening. We see what we’re about to go through and have to deny it. Everything in the semester has lead up to this final point, and we don’t want to believe it. It can’t possibly be December already. It’s not possible. No, God, please. No.
2. Anger
Stage two: anger. Did professors reallyhave to assign so many projects? And what the heck is up with assigning projects and papers during dead week? Isn’t that the point of finals week? This is their fault; we shouldn’t have to do this. We may not threaten to kill somebody like Michael does, but… actually, we may threaten to kill somebody. I mean, c’mon, is all this homework really necessary?
3. Bargaining
Aw yes, the classic maneuver: asking for an extension. Please, professor, we’ve worked so hard, we’re just so overwhelmed, we promise to do our best on this assignment if you just give us a few more days, hours, minutes. Would we rather have the project done or pass the class? Both. Possibly, neither.
4. Depression
Stage four of dead week: the moment you realize all the work you have to do, and instead of doing it you simply take a nap. It’s too much. Can’t deal. Like Michael, our friends and family ask us if we’re okay. No, we’re not. It’s dead week. There’s a reason it’s called dead week and it isn’t because everybody’s having a great time. The depression starts to set in, as we slowly come to an inevitable conclusion…
5. Acceptance
Finally, acceptance. Dead week has come, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Soon, finals will be here. All we can do is buckle down and do the work (or not) and hope for the best. We may be dead inside, but at least we’ve passed through the five stages of grief and accepted our fate. Now we only have one more week until the end of the semester.
Hang in there, friends. We’ve got this.
