Not every student is able to yell their team mascot with pride. We can’t all stand up in a stadium and say “Go Wildcats!” or “Go Eagles!” as we cheer on our home team. No, unfortunately some of us merely chant our colors and remain seated, shame welling up in our stomachs as we refused to admit to our unbelievably uninspiring mascot. I was one such victim of an uninspiring mascot. I was, ladies and gentlemen, a Rock. Yup, my high school’s mascot was an inanimate chunk of the ground. One of my school’s sayings was “Swim like a rock!” because of our decent swim team. Yeah, not the most confidence boosting of chants. But, you eventually learn to live with it. Every student who is a victim of their school’s very poor choice goes through the five stages of having a crappy mascot.

Denial

“What? That can’t possibly be our mascot, that’s so stupid!” Sound familiar? This is the initial disbelief that an actual school would actually choose a rock as their proud mascot. You think that there must be some mistake, no one in their right mind would ever want to call a sports team this! Oh, but they have. There is no mistake.

Anger

“This is so stupid! I can’t believe this is what I’m supposed to be cheering for for the next four years!” You are filled with a rage. How dare they humiliate you like this. They have the nerve, the audacity, to force you to call yourself a rock (or other ridiculous mascot)! You hate whoever came up with this idiotic idea, and everyone else who let it happen.

Bargaining

Perhaps you’ll try to appeal to the board. “Look, school spirit would drastically increase if there were a change in mascot. Give the students something that they’re proud to cheer for!” You believe you’re reasonable, your fellow classmates think it is reasonable, the board will have to listen to you! Oh, but many before you have tried, and all have failed. There will never be a mascot change. You are stuck with the crappy mascot you were given.

Depression

It’s hopeless. Completely hopeless. You realize that you are stuck as a rock (or other ridiculous mascot) for the rest of your life. It will be branded on you forever. You now find yourself in a pit of despair. You walk around your poor school with a grey cloud hanging over you in the shape of your crappy mascot. It has taken hold of you and will never let go.

Acceptance

Although you feel like Charlie Brown on Halloween with your mascot, it begins to grow on you. You can start to accept your crappy mascot as just a natural part of life that you had no control over. Hey, at least it’s unique, and your school won’t be confused with any other school. Sure it’s not conventional or practical in any way, but that’s just the quirkiness of it. You get to go off to college with a great conversation piece. “Hey, guess what? My high school mascot? It was a rock. It was an honest to god rock!” You may not ever be caught chanting “Go Rocks!” in your entire high school career, but at least deep down, you have a little rock pride.