When I was in 10th grade I started dating a girl. No, I didn’t turn gay in 10th grade. I actually knew for a very long time that I liked girls. And no I’m not completely gay. I’m actually panromantic demisexual but let’s not get into that.

I was in 3rd grade when I had a crush on the first girl that I would like. Her name was Taylor and we were actually friends for a long time. You know when you’re little and you look at someone as a friend, and then you look at them again and you’re like whoa, I want them as something more? Even when you’re little you know what a crush is. And I had a crush on her.

I remember crying that day. The day I found out I liked her. I thought it was wrong. Girls are supposed to like boys, right? I mean I can’t like a girl if I’m a girl. So I hid it. For years I hid that I liked girls. And I continued to like girls. And boys. Let’s just get that straight, I liked both. And I thought that was so weird. I was like that’s weird why is this a thing. In middle school, I made it a point to try and be more normal.

I went boy crazy. I started liking any boy I was associated with. I just wanted to just be normal. I started dating or whatever dating was in middle school. But it was always boys. Boys, boys, boys. That’s what I needed to be into. But there were still girls. And in the back of my head, the boys would never be like the girls. And I still liked them.

I got to high school and things changed. I was a lot more open with who I was. I still was dating guys and it’s not like I didn’t like them, I just felt comfier around girls. I always did. I started dating my first girlfriend in 10th grade.

When that happened everything changed. But I still wasn’t happy. Because no one knew who I was. I mean no one in my family, of course. So after about a month of me and this girl dating I thought it was time to tell my parents. I told my dad and that was easy, but telling my mom was a bit harder.

I knew my mom was raised in the church. I knew she didn’t believe in stuff like gay and transgender and anything like that. It was hard for me to want to tell her. I couldn’t do it. So I wrote her a note. I told her I was bisexual--lol, was I wrong.

I told her about my girlfriend and everything. She thought it was funny. I stayed at my dad's that weekend and I was scared to come home Monday. When I came home we talked about it. More like she lectured and I listened. She kept yelling at me saying it wasn’t true. I kept yelling saying it was. She told me to get out of her house. So I left. I went to my dad's for two weeks before she wanted me to come home.

I was lucky. My mom doesn’t agree with my sexuality but she loves me. She hates my gay shit. She absolutely hates it and thinks it’s disgusting. But she can’t live without her baby. And I’m her baby.

A lot of kids have it tougher than I did. I wish all parents were totally accepting of their kids. I wish gay kids didn’t have to come out scared for their lives, their security, and their happiness.

I’m sad for the world. Acceptance needs to be worldwide for everyone. We need to accept gay kids, trans kids, confused kids, queer kids. We need to be there for them to tell them it’s normal and okay. We need to be there for them.

Because no one was there for me. And it sucked. I had to navigate this all on my own. And I made it, thank god. But not everyone makes it. And that’s why I’m here. I’m here to tell everyone that I’m here for you! I’ll be the big bro you never had and I’ll help you through it. I hope a lot of gay kids read this. And I hope you all know I love you. And I always will.