Commonly used hashtag, “#firstworldproblems,” is a phrase often used when a person of the first world complains about virtually anything. This is a real thing. I would like to take a moment to complain about how horrible we millennials have it.
Who else hates when you are trying to argue with someone and your “ducking” iPhone autocorrects your swears to completely out of context words? Oh, and remember that one time you misspelled a word in caps? You accidentally misspelled it again in lowercase so naturally, your iPhone assumes, “hey, let’s put that SHKT in all capitals.” Even worse? When you try texting your conservative parents to tell them you are on your way home and you go to type, “I’m leaving” and you end up telling them you are a lesbian instead.
Have you ever gone to a public restroom, the counters are soaked, and there’s no paper towels – just a hand dryer. I have. Hand dryers are the most inconvenient and pointless invention ever created. Let’s start with the basics:
- They’re noisy. Obnoxiously blowing air at your skin to knock the water off becomes a huge factor of noise pollution.
- And where does the water go? It rolls down your arms, soaking your sleeves.
- If you’re smart enough to roll up your sleeves, the water sprays off, onto the floor – causing slipperiness and the chance of mold growing.
- Let us not forget about the terribly designed hand dryers that blow up towards you.
It causes you to have to step to the side, out of the way, just so the water does not blow back at your body.
Hand dryers might be the most inconvenient invention, but what about the most inconvenient store? Starbucks! First off, I have to get out of my car in the morning, when the temperature is freezing cold. Why more Starbucks cafes do not have drive-thrus is beyond me. Secondly, I get inside just to wait on a long line. By the time ten minutes passes and I make it to the register, I get to pay outrageous prices for a damn roasted bean. You know what’s the worst part? When the barista messes up your venti dirty iced vanilla chai tea latte with little ice and extra latte. Or when he puts in only ONE shot of espresso and you clearly asked for two. Wait, no, my bad, the worst part is when the free Wi-Fi sucks. I just paid $9.76 and my firstborn child for this drink and your internet is slow? No, thanks.
Lastly, the worst part of my days is when I finish a show or on Netflix. I dedicated all my free time not doing my homework and not working to find out if Alex and Piper will get back together, just to find out…well, I have to find out another year to find out. Nothing is more terrible than post-show depression – except maybe post-concert depression.
I know what you are thinking, “wow, I feel so bad for you. I really wish I could help.” Well, you can. My daddy refuses to buy me a new car, so I started a gofundme account where you can donate your hard-earned money to me. Do not worry, I will get a job too, but I need the car first. I cannot be seen in a 2013 Chrysler.
