The transition from high school to college has been without a doubt difficult for me. Leaving a school that I was in for six years was pretty upsetting and for once made me feel way out of my comfort zone. I had the same routine mastered, and the only inconsistency each year was my change of classes. My senior class had about eighty students, all of whom I've known since Pre-k. I didn't have to make new friends or worry about first impressions. Everyone knew me inside and out, and I knew they accepted me. Besides my peers, the administrators and faculty knew me like the back of their hands. Walking into a classroom, I never felt on edge. I was always calm and collected and didn't stress about being there.
College is going to be a completely different story—I'm entering a world of the unknown. I'm moving to a town that I am far from familiar with. I have to live on my own for the first time in eighteen years, while trying to bond with a roommate who I have only just met. Making friends is going to be something new for me, considering I didn't really have to in high school. Familiarizing myself with the administration and faculty will be an absolute struggle. I'm not used to their ways of teaching nor are they familiar with the type of student I am. I have to somehow find a way to adjust myself to the new life I am living, and to some this may be exaggerated, but it's truly my unfortunate reality.
The unknown scares me. Not knowing what I'm walking into is something I'm clearly not used to. I'm usually a very outspoken and charismatic individual. The last week on campus, I've found myself to be very timid and way too cautious for my own good.
In high school, I was involved in a lot of different activities, sports and clubs, always eager to go out and rep my school the best way I could. I enjoyed being in large groups of people at sporting events or shows and I never felt like I had to try and fit in. It was all natural. My fears consist of me not being able to be the same or even better than the person I was in high school. I'm not sure how people will react to my personality and because I am so timid my confidence is slowly diminishing.
If I can't walk out of my dorm knowing that I have what it takes to make it on my own here, then what do I really have? I'm afraid of not being able to let go of what I'm used to. I couldn't wait to graduate high school. But now I would do anything to go back. I was an Indian then, and I'm a Bear now. For the first time in my life, I'm the prey and believe me, I can feel it.
The only and absolute only thing making me feel a bit better about being here is the fact that I know I'm not the only one here feeling this way. There are so many freshman that are in the same predicament as me, yet maybe they are just a bit better at hiding it. My mom says that it's normal to feel this way, and that it is okay to miss everything I had to leave. She knows I'm capable of doing this and I have nothing to be afraid of. The question is when will I believe that?
I've always had a very dominant and fearless personality and it's mind blowing that I'm genuinely afraid of being on my own and trying to build a life here. I know I have a huge support system at home, and I'm very appreciative of that. I just hope that I soon feel the confidence that they keep stressing they know I have.
