I would like to note that at the point in time that this article is published, many of us are on winter break! Which means, Future Kenzie, you somehow made it through this mess, and you are (hopefully) enjoying a hot chocolate or something filled to the brim with sugar and not spazzing out about grades and due dates. At this current time, as I am sitting in the corner of Starbucks writing this, I have an assignment due in a few hours that is worth 15% of my barely-passing grade in one class, with three finals on the horizon in the coming days, and clearly not enough caffeine in my system to get through. My beautifully cluttered brain has decided to spend the last half hour semi-studying but mostly stressing about the fact that in a mere 9 days, the goddess herself, Taylor Swift, will be 29. And boy-oh-boy, this personally affects me!
Let me take you on a journey along my train of thought. My ideological locomotive, if you will. Taylor's last album came out only a year ago, but she has already hinted that she is working on new stuff, and she even signed a new contract with a different record label than the one she has been with for a decade. But she is swiftly (ha) approaching 30, and has been in a serious relationship for nearly two years, and she almost certainly wants kids and HOW IS THIS ALL GONNA WORK?!
Welcome to my mind. Now, as you can see, I am obviously focused on my priorities. This is my reality, though, and amidst unhinged strings of Taylor Swift theories, I have to get a certain amount of work done to function. We all do. And I know what you're thinking. We all get easily distracted and have random, unrelatable thoughts getting in the way of the immense workload that we want to avoid, but logically can't. However, let me just throw out this plea, from those out there like me; please understand that ADHD is not simply a disorder of distraction. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a hindrance to the executive functions involved in being a human person.
Let's talk about one of these disrupting factors: mood shifts. ADHD has many similarities to bipolar disorder; one of the closest connections is the intense highs and lows in accordance with mood. However, the big difference here is how often these shifts occur. Those with bipolar disorder would have to experience four major shifts in a year to be considered "rapid cycling", but those with ADHD can experience that amount of mood shifting in a single day. In college, this sh*t f*cking sucks.
I'm not quite proud of my actions when these mood shifts have hit me. One minute, I will be sitting in my dorm's lounge getting some small amount of anything productive and the next moment I will have a plastic chair in my hands, ready and willing to chuck it across the room (true story - I appreciate my friends for not instantaneously disowning me), or even crawling under a table to keep out the noise and to keep from uncontrollably sob-screaming. Pretty drastic, right? I'm not assuming this is everyone's experience, but it has been mine. Try getting an essay done in that frame of mind.
It seems quite fitting that I would forget to mention the biggest and worst aspect to this collegiate ADHD thing. When I was diagnosed, I went on the journey of finding the right prescription situation for me. Which, luckily, I did, and have been steadily taking for the last year. But then, I went off to college… and I stopped. Now, why would I do that at the time of utmost importance, when I actually, truly need the medication? That is a question I'm consistently asking myself. I like to point fingers, knowing full well the fingers I am pointing are directed straight at the mirror. I know that I need to order the medication, but I forget or put it off, or the phone call to do so makes me anxious, and the cycle repeats.
I spent well over 75% of my first term at a university off of my medication (and, in truth, have yet to go back on them). Let me tell you, this is my biggest "do as I say, not as I do" moment. TAKE YOUR MEDS!!!! This term has been so astonishingly difficult in ways that it didn't have to be if I had just been on my medication. I know I don't speak to everyone's experience, but I know for me that I handle life better on my medication. It's not about the ability to focus or study; it's about my ability to function properly. To carry out my basic everyday needs. To make sure I hit every step in the daily routine of being a college student - of being a person. Even when I wasn't in school, I needed the stability that my medication offered me. So, to any of you, if you are prescribed something that is meant to help you, please, please, please take it. On that note, I will make a promise to you to practice what I preach. Here's to a stable and sane winter term!