With my first semester of college coming to a close, I have been reflecting. The beginning of the semester felt like eons ago and so much has changed since then. Although it didn’t really come together right away and certainly not nearly as soon as I thought it would, I’ve been lucky enough to have found a group of friends that really support me. They’ve kept me strong when I’ve just wanted to throw in the towel and have really helped me understand that even though there is always so much going on, it is oh so important to internalize and pay attention to yourself. If I had to give just one piece of advice to anyone starting college, it would be to make sure you self-reflect often. Being as you are never really alone, it’s really easy to only spend energy outwardly since you are constantly in social situations.
However, the thought in the forefront of my brain is how weird it is that I am going home in just over a week. I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving and I won’t lie to you, spending four months so far from home has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done. What’s weird is that “home” feels like a distant memory. I miss it like crazy every single day, but at the same time, I recently kind of forgot what exactly I am missing. I certainly feel longing for something I don’t have, but I can’t quite pinpoint what that is. Of course, I cannot wait to be in the presence of my family and old friends, but something feels different. I have spoken to a few friends who also haven’t gone home since starting college and we all seem to agree: we are sort of nervous to go home.
If I am being completely honest, I’m nervous to see how “home” has continued on without me. Even though technically four months isn’t really that long of a time, I worry about how much things have changed. I wonder if my house will feel the same or if it will feel distant. I wonder if I’ll still feel connected to my city, or if I’ll feel more like a visitor.
I guess what concerns me the most is that it won’t feel like home anymore.
Although… at the same time, I kind of hope it doesn’t. I think I would find solace in that I would feel more comfortable with home feeling different since that would entail a more complete passage into the next chapter of my life. If everything feels just right when I get home, I’d be concerned that my head is stuck in my childhood. For this reason, it shouldn’t feel the same because I am not the same.
Summing it up in just a few words, first semester of college is a whole lot of emotions. If you’re anything like me and you go into it confidently knowing how to feed yourself and do laundry. But don’t worry because you’ll have a lot more to learn, and not just in your classes.
