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28 Hilariously Candid Thoughts You Have When Applying For Your First Big Kid Job

Excuse me...is there a manual for this thing called adulting?

Shelby Gerweck

Sep 11, 2018

Eastern Michigan University

Unsplash

I've recently started looking for jobs to actually apply for, and finally finalized a resume that I feel is worthy enough for potential employers...maybe. This whole experience has been crazy stressful, and I feel like I am not the only one who has been through all the thoughts that come with trying to adult. It's a crazy ride, and unfortunately, there are some schools and programs that really don't prepare you for trying to start your career.

So, kids, this is what you have to look forward to when you're a jobless college graduate.

1. How on earth do you write a resume?

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2. What is a cover letter?

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3. Oh...this looks like an interesting position....

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4. What salary am I qualified to ask for?

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5. Okay...I am soooo NOT qualified for that!

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6. YOU WANT 5 YEARS EXPERIENCE FOR AN ENTRY-LEVEL JOB?!?!

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7. I am never going to get a job....

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8. Can I go back to elementary school?

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9. Am I allowed to pay someone to write my resume?

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10. You mean I have to rewrite my cover letter?

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11. This resume looks like a preschooler wrote it.

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12. Why did no one teach me how to do this??

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13. Is there a manual for how to apply for jobs?

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14. Calls Mom So, everything you've ever taught me has been to prepare me for life...so why do I feel so unprepared??

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15. Please let there be one employer who finds me interesting!

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16. LinkedIn? I thought that was just a spam email!

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17. Oh. My. Gosh. The salary is $45,000?!?!

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18. How do people get multiple offers? I can't even get ONE!

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19. Email notification MAYBE IT'S FINALLY A JOB OFFER!

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20. THEY WANT TO INTERVIEW ME?!

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21. Maybe this whole getting a job thing isn't so hard after all...

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22. Clicks "Submit Application" button NO! Wait! I wasn't ready!

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23. Wait...how does one look for jobs?

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24. What do you mean by 2-3 years of experience? Does McDonald's count?

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25. Reads job description What do these words even mean?!

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26. Guess I just have to expect that I'm going to be living in my mom's basement for the rest of my life...

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27. I have NOTHING to wear to my interview!!!

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28. This isn't so hard...I got this!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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28 Hilariously Candid Thoughts You Have When Applying For Your First Big Kid Job

Excuse me...is there a manual for this thing called adulting?

In This Article:

1. How on earth do you write a resume?

2. What is a cover letter?

3. Oh...this looks like an interesting position....

4. What salary am I qualified to ask for?

5. Okay...I am soooo NOT qualified for that!

6. YOU WANT 5 YEARS EXPERIENCE FOR AN ENTRY-LEVEL JOB?!?!

7. I am never going to get a job....

8. Can I go back to elementary school?

9. Am I allowed to pay someone to write my resume?

10. You mean I have to rewrite my cover letter?

11. This resume looks like a preschooler wrote it.

12. Why did no one teach me how to do this??

13. Is there a manual for how to apply for jobs?

14. *Calls Mom* So, everything you've ever taught me has been to prepare me for life...so why do I feel so unprepared??

15. Please let there be one employer who finds me interesting!

16. LinkedIn? I thought that was just a spam email!

17. Oh. My. Gosh. The salary is $45,000?!?!

18. How do people get multiple offers? I can't even get ONE!

19. *Email notification* MAYBE IT'S FINALLY A JOB OFFER!

20. THEY WANT TO INTERVIEW ME?!

21. Maybe this whole getting a job thing isn't so hard after all...

22. *Clicks "Submit Application" button* NO! Wait! I wasn't ready!

23. Wait...how does one look for jobs?

24. What do you mean by 2-3 years of experience? Does McDonald's count?

25. *Reads job description* What do these words even mean?!

26. Guess I just have to expect that I'm going to be living in my mom's basement for the rest of my life...

27. I have NOTHING to wear to my interview!!!

28. This isn't so hard...I got this!

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We get it — we're frustrated with you, too.

1. When they go out of their way to help you.

2. When they are cleaning up a section of the store.

3. When they deal with your children being heathens.

4. When they listen intently to your coupon problems.

5. When they ask you about opening a credit card or rewards card.

6. When you have to wait to get an item number or to talk to a manager.

It's not always fun being fun-sized!

1. Not wearing makeup is like stepping in a time machine

2. "Wow, how tall are you?!"

3. You don't realize how much you're craning your neck until you talk to someone as short as you.

4. Hugging your friends is just asking for a face full of boob for you and makeup on their shirt for them. Awkward.

5. You face retail discrimination

Details the INFJ may not have wanted to let you know about.

1. Their moral compass is the strongest bone in their bodies

2. They like getting a mild cold

3. They can only make one new friend at a time

4. They can only be leaders if they're experts on the topic

5. You know what too nice means: Fake

6. Their creativity comes out in strange bouts

7. They like heavily emotional stories

8. They experience a different kind of tired

9. Structure and routine is the name of the game

10. They are sensitive little creatures

11. They love to love

12. Yup, they’re the mom of the friend group

It's a daily struggle to make it on time, but everyone has those days where they just...don't.

1. "Oh, crap..."

2. "Is it worth it?"

3. "Why is this room so cold?"

4. "Does this professor grade attendance?"

5. "Can I wear my pajamas to class?"

6. "Do I have time to brush my teeth?"

6. "Shoot, I didn't finish my homework..."

7. "What's the weather supposed to be today?"

8. "Will the bus be on time?"

9. "How can I enter the room in the least obtrusive way possible?"

10. "WHY didn't anyone leave a seat on the end in case someone came late?!"

11. "Does this professor hate me now?"

12. "I'll be early next class..."

Getting hung up on is my super power.

1. The first call is the hardest

2. Getting hung up on before you say something

3. People don't live forever

4. It's exhausting

5. Getting hung up on the second you say where you're calling from

6. People will say anything to get you off the phone

14. Calls Mom So, everything you've ever taught me has been to prepare me for life...so why do I feel so unprepared??

19. Email notification MAYBE IT'S FINALLY A JOB OFFER!

22. Clicks "Submit Application" button NO! Wait! I wasn't ready!

25. Reads job description What do these words even mean?!

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