There is quite a difference between being alone and being lonely. There are many of us that walk that fine line between the two.
You may understand this feeling to some extent, especially if you’re an introvert like I am. Being an introvert means we crave alone time throughout our weeks. It is how we reenergize. While extroverts reenergize by being surrounded by people, we would rather read a book, or write a blog in our rooms by ourselves. It simply makes us feel better.
Aloneness is finding freedom in isolation; it’s the awkward state of bliss that comes with being truely, honestly and unapologetically content by being with yourself. Being alone is going to the movie theater by yourself because it feels better that way. You forget how busy you are and how tired you are. You are content for the period of two hours and four minutes. Aloneness is going out to Stater Brothers and buying loads of snacks for yourself and building a blanket fort to watch Netflix in. It’s eating your snacks in your makeshift castle without a care in the world because you are escaping from this busy life that we all live.
Then there’s loneliness.
What I’ve come to understand about loneliness is that it seems to creep its way into you when you least expect it. It happens when you’re with a group of people, having lunch. It is more than the feeling of being left out; it is the feeling of reaching for something you cannot attain. A connection. A friendship. A person. Someone, anyone who will fill the gap that you are missing. But that’s not the case. It’s almost incurable by company, it swells and engulfs you in the presence of your friends, there’s no escaping it when it strings its arms around you. And yes, I just personified loneliness because when it is present, it tends to feel like more of a person than the people that are actually around you. It’s a feeling that is nearly impossible to escape until, one morning, it’s gone, and you are back to the enjoyable balance of alone time and being sociable.
Picture a pendulum. Aloneness and Loneliness are the two very different sides of a swinging, emotional pendulum. Somedays you will be overjoyed with the amount of time you have to yourself. You are ecstatic that you get to spend the day treating yourself (absolutely a reference to Parks and Rec) and binge watching your favorite Netflix show. Then there are other days that will cripple you with the feeling of loneliness in a crowded room. Days that will have you suddenly, irrevocably on the verge of tears.
It’s a fine line we walk on between aloneness and loneliness. Loneliness is suffocating, while aloneness is liberating. We must be careful. We can’t be defined by our friendships. We can’t allow whether or not we have someone to call our "best friend," or whether or not we have a "friend group" determine what we think of ourselves. Our lives can’t be determined by the people around us. We can’t let our relationship status change us. If you’re single, a relationship isn’t your one-way ticket to happiness. And if you’re in a relationship, please understand that being single isn’t the most dreadful, awful thing on this planet (and for the sake of all that is good, don't shame others for being single). We are all in this flux between being alone and lonely. No amount of friends are going to change that, it's just something we go through as human beings, but it will help if you don't put so much weight and value on the people in your life. They are human just like you. We are all just trying to find our balance between these two very complex emotions. And I sure haven’t figured it out yet, and I’m not even sure there is a way to figure it out, but I wanted to say that if you understand what I’m writing about, you’re not alone on this crazy pendulum ride.
