I remember when I was younger playing with friends, doing extra curricular activities, having a large and unending imagination. I remember my parents being there, being supportive. We take for granted what our parents do for us and how all the little things they do for us can all disappear in a split second.
My mom is my academic backbone and still to this day sure that I am successful in what I do. I was always the girl that didn't like putting myself out there and my mom was the person there to push me to do that. She always wants what's best for me and will do anything to make me happy. She is my supportive backbone to help me through life, I do not know what I would do without her.
My dad was my best friend, the person I would go to when I needed someone to talk to about pretty much anything. He was without any doubt in my mind my biggest supporter. I remember every Wednesday for horse back riding my dad being there early to watch me at practice and always being there to support me. I wanted to play basketball in middle school and didn't even know how to shoot the ball, so my dad decided one weekend he was going to teach me and spent the entire afternoon until I finally "got it". My dad is the person I look up to, the person who could make me laugh no matter what, he was my rock, and he was my best friend.
My Junior Year of High school was not the best to put it in simple terms. It started with one of my best friends moving to a different city 2 hours away and that entire summer I didn't really try to build additional friendships for school year to follow. My anxiety got the best of me and my parents ended up taking me out of school and doing an online home school program the rest of my junior year. As much as I hated being away from people my age and having to basically teach myself through the courses it was the change I needed for the events to come.
December 14, 2016 was the worse day of my life; I woke up that morning having a weird feeling but I didn't think much of it until I got a phone call that changed my life forever. I lost my best friend that day, my rock, one of the only people that could get me to laugh at my lowest point. I was forever thankful that even though it was sudden we got to take our time with saying goodbye. I know not every one can have that and in todays day and age not many can say that about a parent. I really don't know how this didn't totally break me, how I didn't hit rock bottom. I believe there was a reason that this was supposed to happen and that this had to happen for so many other things in my life to fall in place.
To the Girl who is Struggling with after loosing one of your parents just know you're not alone. Don't fight the help people try to give you because sometimes this "help" may show who the people in your life really are. I found some of the best people I would have not found without this happening and I found out that some of the people I thought I considered close to be the most fake people in my life.
The year following was one of the largest emotional roller coasters I have ever experienced. I found that even being the quiet person I am the more people I surrounded myself with the easier it was clear my head and still enjoy the high school memories. I found people that I could make memories with and never forget. These people are the people that made me smile on the days I felt the most loneliest. I may have not talked to some of these friends since high school but that's ok we grow up and grow apart, we went to different colleges, have had different experiences, and want different things for ourselves.
You might wonder how you know who your true friends are, I know it sounds cheesy but you just know. Its the unconditional love, the wanting whats best for you, they don't leave you out of plans, they make sure you're included, they want to know how you actually feel and they won't take "I'm fine" for an answer. Its the people who understand you and your uniqueness that is you. Its the friends that when you are getting over a guy they don't let you stay in your feelings too long. They don't let you make the same mistakes more than two times (some times you just have to make sure it was really a mistake). Now at the end of Summer 2019 I can say that it was pretty rough but I'm getting through it. I miss some people and some a lot more than others but I was able to find self love with out these people in my life and I will be forever thankful for the little bit of time they were in my life and what I was able to experience.
After a parent dies I know how it feels to just be like "this is it, this is my life and I can't get out of this funk". You can not do that to yourself this is just a phase of grief that you want to let everything hit you in the face and just "move on". You have to put yourself out there and go do things that you would have never done before. I promise it will get better and you will find your place in this world. Don't think of as moving on as forgetting them because you will never forget them and the impact they had on your life. Think of this as doing what they would want you to do, they were your parent they want whats best for you and they do not what you to be sad for the rest of your life. They want you to go out and life your life, experience life in the ways you would have never done before.
High school is just short, it's about making the memories that you can look back and say "I can't believe I did that but I'm so happy I did". It's about making the memories that you'll never forget and will be telling your children when they are your age. It's the friendships that you make and can see some of your best friends being bridesmaids in your wedding one day. Its the life you're given so why not live it to its fullest! When I went back to school for my senior year I made a pact with myself that it was going to be the year of yes and going out of my comfort zone. I needed those last 5 months of that first year to be memorable and I did just that, I found a great group of friends to surround myself with and make the best memories and mistakes with.
The one thing I wish I would have told myself to do in high school was practice self love. Love yourself and find yourself, know yourself enough and explore all of your possibilities for your future and don't let an ounce of doubt decide your life for you. It's all about what you wanna do that makes you happy. This is what people mean when they say no dream is too big its what make you, YOU!
