Have you ever taken time out of your busy school or work schedule and just thought about how your life is going at this point? How things have been going lately, how things used to be, what you’re doing now as opposed to then? I caught myself thinking back before this semester, back before last semester, back before summer to the middle of my senior year of high school and reflected on who I was then to who I am now. I have changed drastically, and I am sure that most of the people reading this have changed too, more than they know. During these moments of self reflection, we tend to find more about who we really are.
It’s a little before midnight on what is technically a Saturday. I am standing in my gravel driveway listening to the sound of crickets competing with the roar of frogs while I look up at the stars that shine so much brighter out in the country than in the city. The incoming lukewarm summer air matched that of my body’s temperature, allowing me to walk without the slightest temperature change, almost making me feel weightless.
My friend Brandon and I had just finished watching a movie and on the ride home, we reflected on what we were like one year prior. Of course a year ago we were both in high school, getting ready to graduate, excited for what was to come. Back then, we were ready to leave the nest, to really begin our lives as college students and fast forward like in the movies to our 30’s with kids in a nice house and neighborhood etc. During our conversation, we realized that that is the furthest from what we feel now.
As we looked back at our lives, I personally noted how so much has changed from then to now. One year ago, I was in a relationship with someone who at the time I could say I was in love with. I had a job that kept me busy outside of school and provided me with a little extra funding. I had my group of friends that I had known since middle school or earlier that I could see during school and after. I had my own limited knowledge of politics, social issues, and ideas of what were fun.
While thinking back through all of the experiences I had, a cool wave of nostalgia washed over me. It was scary to think that all of what I once knew as natural had become so estranged to me. Everything from one year ago has changed so drastically that it feels almost unreal; like after this semester ends I’ll go back to what I once knew as normal. But I know this is not the case. Life does not work in reverse, it only knows forward, and sometimes that is hard for me to accept. I know I’m not the only one who gets lost in a past memory and then breaks off on a tangent as to what could have happened or what we could have done differently. I catch myself most of the time, for expanding on these past possibilities will drive me mad. What has happened has happened and I know I should take these memories as they are, as should we all, for in this ever-accelerating world, we sometimes miss just how much we, as people, have changed.
I am one year older than I was one year ago, obviously. I do not have a significant other. I do not have a job to occupy my free time; school does a great job of that itself. I rely on my parents for any extra funding and, though I may not voice it, I am extremely grateful for the opportunities they have provided for me. My friend group has changed entirely since my residency here at Appalachian State University began, and not in a bad way. These friends I have lived with. My knowledge, though still rather lacking on subjects such as politics and social issues has grown exponentially and I have these same friends to thank for that, as well as my newer ideas of what fun is.
This whole conversation Brandon and I had stemmed from coming home. Returning to what you consider your roots. Reconnecting with friends you once knew, but had lost touch with to some degree. Reflection for me is a tool I utilize to try and understand who I was, who I am, and who I will be. It is important for us all to reflect from time to time to ensure that we do not lose touch of who we really are.
Reflect on your past self and then do a side-by-side comparison of who you are now and ask yourself, have I changed for the better or for the worst? How have my ideas on subjects changed? What do I value now as to what I used to value? What exactly have I become?
