Let’s get real for a minute. One of the hardest things in life is to just be yourself. The struggle isn’t only in being yourself; it’s in figuring out who you are. From a young age, all of us are influenced by our parents, the things happening around us, our peers, our teachers, people we see in public, things we see in magazines, etc. At no point in our lives does anyone just sit down, look at us, and ask, “What do you like?” It’s always conversations about what’s in, what’s trendy, and what’s changing the game.
Is that a bad thing? Not at all. When looking at places such as magazines, the media, and social media - you have to understand that these things definitely influence us, but not always in a bad way. Many times I’ve come across something on social media that I’ve never previously been interested in and suddenly, it’s my new favorite thing. Part of our society being so open in present time is that you have access to anything you could possibly decide you want to be interested in.
All of that being said - how do you figure out who you are in the midst of all these people telling you what you should be? How do you look in a mirror and genuinely just feel like yourself? I’m going to give you some tips, and I hope they work for you like they did for me.
5. Stop trying to be like everyone else.
One of the hardest things in life is realizing that you are not like everyone else. People are going to look differently than you. People are going to act differently than you. No amount of plastic surgery, working out, eating differently, etc. is going to make you look exactly like anyone else (identical twins, please ignore this). If you want to make changes to your appearance, by all means, do it. However, don’t do it with the incentive to look like anyone else. There is only one you in this world. Stop letting people try to change that.
4. Do your own thing.
You are your friends are going to have a lot in common. You and your friends are not going to have everything in common. This is the same for relationships. You are not going to be the exact same person as anyone else when it comes to the things you like and like to do. One of the hardest things about finding yourself is that you are going to be different than every person you meet in at least one way. That way might be tiny or huge, but there will be a difference. Stop letting that bother you. You are wonderfully unique all on your own. Embrace it.
3. Don’t skip out on opportunities.
This is something I struggled with, personally, for a long time. I let people tell me constantly that I didn’t fit a stereotype that was allowed to do certain activities. I didn’t have the looks, I didn’t have the talent, etc. Stop letting that idea keep you from taking those risks. If you want to try for something you don’t think you qualify for - do it. The worst that will happen is you won’t get it. This doesn’t just apply to job or activity opportunities, either. When you feel like getting out of the house - go. Don’t sit on your couch afraid to take on the world. Get in your car, go to that local spot you’ve heard about, and just start talking to people. It’s the hardest thing in the world, especially when you have a bit of an introverted side like I do, but once you do it - I promise you’ll find something from it. Whether you make a new set of friends or you crash and burn - you’ve learned a lesson and you’ve put yourself out there. That’s one step closer to being you. You will never truly find yourself if you hide from the things you want to do… so just do them!
2. Surround yourself with people who encourage you, support you, and accept you.
This seems like the most obvious thing in the world, but so few people actually get to say they have this in their lives. We live in a world that is full of negativity. We surround ourselves with people that constantly criticize us. While criticism is helpful when it comes to making yourself better, it can be harmful in a relationship (any sort of relationship - family member, friendship, romantic partnership). Surround yourself with people that lift you up, but also keep your feet on the ground. Get rid of the people who constantly bring you down to lift themselves up. One of my closest friends said it perfectly: "You know what's slander and what's true. To wallow in self pity puts you right where they want you." Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of being surrounded by negative people. Cut those ties before they strangle you. You’ll be much better off.
1. Always remember that you are worth more than what “they” see in you.
“They” can refer to anyone around you - any person who looks at you and tells you that you can’t do something for whatever reason they’ve made up in their own heads. This can be damaging to your mental health, and to your confidence. Part of finding yourself means getting to the point that you stop letting other people define you. All of these points basically come to one thing - finding yourself is just… being yourself. It doesn’t matter what anyone says about you, and it definitely doesn’t matter what most people think. The most important thing in finding yourself is being happy with yourself. Only when you’re happy with your own soul, will you be able to share that soul with others whose souls match yours.
You are worth more than the criticism. You’re worth more than the superficial. You are limitless in your worth because you are unique. There is no one else like you. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Find yourself. Share yourself with the world - as you, not as a copy of anyone else.
