As people, we often let ourselves be defined by the relationships we have in our lives. I’m funny because they said so, I’m beautiful because they said so, I’m smart because they said so… right? Because of this, do you really know who you are?

It’s inevitable. When you lose something or someone close to you, you change. You won’t be the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago. You depended on someone to be your rock, your source of happiness, and you lost pieces of yourself while losing them and you need to try to put yourself back together again.

Now is the perfect time to do things for YOU. Do the things you like to do but never had time for, focus on your dreams, and set goals for yourself. When you wake up every morning, choose to let this situation make you stronger and a better person because of it. That is how you grow as a person.

Learn to forgive. Forgive them and forgive yourself. You have probably said some things you wish you could take back, and they have undoubtedly made you feel worthless. When you let go of the anger and pain that you’ve been keeping bottled up inside of you, you will feel a sense of freedom. Learn from the past, but never go back to it. The things that hurt you, can’t be the things that heal you, remember that.

Accept that you can’t fix other people, but you can always fix yourself. It’s a blessing and a curse to be the person who feels like they have to be the one who fixes everyone else. Once you acknowledge the fact that you can’t make someone else be a better person, you have more time to focus on making yourself a better person. That jerk will always be a jerk, but you don’t have to be. There’s the people who bring out the best in you, and then there’s the people who bring out the worst in you. “You never realize how toxic something is until you breathe fresher air.” Find the courage to cut the toxic people out of your life.

You can never fully love someone until you learn to love yourself. If you aren’t happy with who you are, you’ll never be happy with someone else. When you start to make positive changes in your life, it makes it a little easier to love the person looking back at you in the mirror. It is important to not allow yourself to wallow in self-pity. You got hurt and now you have to move on. Move on to bigger and better things. There’s a whole new life out there waiting for you to discover it.

When the time is right and you choose to let someone new into your life, you’ll know that you’re not only funny, beautiful, and smart, but so much more than that. You won’t need to depend on someone to be your rock or your source of happiness, because you will know that no one defines who you are and that you can make it on your own. Don’t try to find someone to save you, but rather try to find someone who holds your hand while you save yourself.

I think that trying to find yourself is probably a lifelong process, but I also think it’s more about the journey than the destination.