Right now, it is 5:30 pm on a gloomy Tuesday. I am lying in bed, looking out the window at the overcast sky. Pale yellow lights against a periwinkle sky look back at me. I can't help but feel a sort of nostalgia on days like today.
There is an unexplainable sentiment hidden in the overcast nature of the world outside. I think of where I have been and where I am going, and I think of the person who I used to be.
We spend our lives searching for a certain raison d'etre--a reason for being. We travel through the Big Wide Empty trying to figure out where we fit within it. We all desire to find that one place, that one person, that one reason for us to get out of bed every morning.
A year ago, I was incredibly lost. I had no area of focus in my studies. I was not involved in any organizations that contributed to a greater cause. I felt like I was failing by not finding myself. I was failing the earth I had promised to preserve by doing nothing for Her. I was failing the people I promised to speak up for by staying quiet. I felt small and insignificant. I often still feel that way.
But there is something I have discovered about feeling lost. Everything that feels hard and impossible is usually just on the brink of something amazing. Every sigh, every cry of defeat, is usually the last push before a turning point.
As soon as you decide to give up, hope will pick you back up and say "I am here now." This is not to say that the opportunity will find you. You have to make yourself known. You must make yourself bigger than you are. When everything starts to feel a little too hard and scary, that is when you will truly discover what you are capable of.
So this is for the person I used to be and for the person, I will surely be again someday. This, meaning this article. This, meaning creating in general. This, meaning everything I will do this year to get myself closer to all that I have ever wanted. It is for the person who needs someone like me. Someone who has been and will be lost. Someone who used to be terrified by the big, vast, beautiful world. Now I thrive in it.
How do you find your place? Be present. Consider that this is where you were trying to go last year. Acknowledge how far you've come. Thank the process you've trusted to get you here. Try not to focus too much on the future and lose sight of what you've already done. Finding your place means taking up space. Trust that you are already the person you need to be. Trust that for now, that will be enough.
