You spend most of your life trying to figure out who you are. You laugh and cry with people who seem to be like you and experiment with music and outfits trying to discover who you are. Most of us miss the most important thing -- we are who we are because of who we possess in our souls.
All through high school I tried to find the thing that made me... me. I thought maybe it was music, or violin specifically. Maybe it was the way I dressed or the friends I kept. But, I missed that my identity was in being who God made me to be and I found the true me within my first semester of college.
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I spent most of the first part of the semester trying to connect with anyone and everyone and find my place, but that didn't go over very well in my head. I was very lonely and honestly knew less about who I was than when I started. I was honestly kind of depressed and dreamed of going home and never returning.
The thought of never returning was looming over my head when something really amazing happened. I made a friend. The one thing that I had been bad at my whole life. I became super close to this chick because she was just like me and I started to find my identity in this girl but honestly it was unhealthy. I was living to be like her because I assumed who I was came from this person.
It ended up being the most unhealthy relationship and ended up making my mental state worse when people would choose to hang out with her over me. It also got worse as I realized that a lot of times when I would put her best interest first she would never do the same with mine. It began to eat me alive and eventually I was back where I had started. I wanted to go home and I never wanted to go back.
It was around this time someone else placed themselves in my life. They smiled a lot and truly intimidated me, but they cared so I let them in because I needed someone ... anyone in this place. I let them in and soon the trust grew and they taught me the most important lesson of all. I am not identified by what others think or expect me to be, but by who I am on the inside.
I quickly began to find the identity I had so prayed to find throughout my life. I found who God had made me to be and it was amazing. As time went by it really brought me to realize who I was inside and that what really identifies all people. It is who you are and how you treat people that begins to define you not what most of society wants you to believe.
I began to realize that I am me because I am forgiving and because I always put others first. I learned quickly that I am who I am because of who I am inside. The good parts of me shine and it is what the people who matter see. It doesn't matter if I am in rags or if I am in a dress they love who I am inside.
It may be hard sometimes growing up in a world of hate and judging eyes, but eventually you find yourself. You will realize that who you are isn't the reason that something bad happened. It is about finding out who you truly are and by seeing those good qualities in yourself instead of letting the bad ones eat you alive. Who you are is shown in the wonderfulness you present to others or the counter of the awful things you present to others.
So live your life as though someone is always watching, but live it so that you are beautifully shown. Don't hide your face from the world, but blossom into who you are everyday and in all walks of life. Let your beautiful soul shine!
