As if growing up as a little Black girl in America wasn't enough, I grew up a dark skinned Black girl in America. All through my childhood I was taunted in school and even worse, at home. We are taught to latch on to trends, our role models are impossible to imitate because their reality is digitally altered. It is rare in this society that we are taught to be individual, that it's OK to stand out or have a different look or style.

Those who dare to be different are often labeled, stereotyped and/or ostracized. In school and later at work, we are given a uniform, a standard. In many instances we've even seen these institutions define just how we are allowed to wear our hair. In fact the Supreme Court just ruled on a case allowing a job to not hire a Black woman because of her dreadlocs, which are cultural.

One of the hardest things I ever had to do was make the decision to be myself. It is not easy in a world where social media dominates the majority of many people's lives, myself included. It's a daily struggle, I'm still dark, my skin is uneven, I now have dreadlocs which I tend to let get unruly, yet I'm a model. I'm told a few times a week I'm not pretty enough to model, I'm too dark, too skinny, too short. Seventeen years after high school ended I'm still being called ugly, as if that word has power. It took me way too long to figure out that what others think of me is none of my business.

Now I spend a lot of time mentoring other women and helping them find themselves through the image they created for society. Now I'm here to tell you that it's o.k to be the real you, whatever that is. I know that society does it's best to make you think the opposite. Sadly, today we live in a society that judges everything and everyone by its appearance. However we as individuals decide how important others judgements of our lives are. The strong stand firm in their convictions and beliefs, the weak conform and alter themselves, their lives and beliefs to fit in with the norm. I'm not here to judge one way or the other, but to enlighten. That urge to conform, to fit in, to be one of the "in" crowd, that's a matter of self esteem. Period.

It is often said that the one to point out flaws in others is the one who feels their own inadequacies even more. Self contempt never stays contained, it seeps out and affects the people around us in our day to day lives.

Never have a I seen anything as viscous as one woman hell bent on putting down another. It gets ugly, quick. You would think I'd use kids as the reference points in this because we all know talking about someone is a childish thing. However, it's worse when adults are setting this image as a standard. I do understand the plight of the modern day woman however, it is almost impossible for her to NOT hate herself on some level unless she was taught very early to love herself. Everywhere we turn, the t.v. radio, celebrities, magazine point to what we "should " look like what we "should" wear "should" drive and pushes the message that if you don't look like this or have these things you are less than valuable.

All over the internet, out in the streets, in movies and magazines we see people trying to, as they used to say " keep up with the Joneses", or in this day an age Jay & Bey or Kanye and Kim. One thing I always say is "even if we're headed to the same destination we have to take our own paths." You can not add value and fulfillment to your life by dressing like your neighbor, by buying a $700 belt you cant afford or buying the same pair of tennis shoe Michael Jordan releases every other month.

Every day I talk to a slew of women online, so many of them absolutely beautiful and absolutely ignorant to the fact. They complain about being 5 lbs overweight, their hair isn't long enough, they can't go out because their nails aren't done. They feel inadequate for the smallest of reasons. If they weren't comparing themselves to others and listening to what is society's standard of beauty they would love themselves more and see themselves as the natural beauties the world sees them as.

Natural beauty is the best thing you can have because it's all yours. It's a personal look, a personal style, something you grow into with pride and confidence. It's something that no one else can duplicate. Yesterday I found Myself having a good deep laugh because I posted a photo online and guys started leaving positive comments and a female came out of the blue and said "but look at her nails." It was hilarious and saddening because when you have to pick a part another person to gain attention or feel better about yourself, that shows your level of self esteem. I was rocking natural low cut nails with chipped polish and some people are fooled into thinking that you MUST have your nails perfectly polished or bare at all times.

The beauty of a woman is in the light in her eyes, the curve of her smile, the arch of her brow when she is happy, the heartiness in her laugh. Who is shallow enough to think a womans' fingernails affect her beauty? Someone disillusioned by what matters in life.

I see teenage girls (sometimes younger) with hundreds of dollars worth of fake hair in their heads, acrylic nails and more make up than Elizabeth Taylor on her best day. When I look at them I wonder why their parents don't care about them more. I wonder what parent would let a child that young tie their self esteem and value into something so superficial. I think of the things they do to maintain this lifestyle because they're not taught its OK to not have it. I right now am associated with a young girl who sells her body daily, she's not buying a house, she has no car. You know what though, she keeps her nails and hair done, buys expensive shoes and purses and doesn't have anything to her name she cant fit into storage containers. she brags at times about how much clothing she has that she never even wears. It's a sad state of affairs and a vicious cycle.

I remember being pregnant, I prayed I didn't have a daughter because I hadn't had a mother. I knew there was no way at the time I could teach a girl how to love herself and live right because I hated Myself. Over the years I've come to terms with who I am, what I look like and have assessed My best qualities and the worst. It took Me years, wigs, braids,and even therapy to get me to look at the real Me and see that I was the same person under the wig without the wig. That no matter what My hair looked like I was gorgeous, I'm a beautiful woman. It took for Me to judge Me based on My standards of what is beautiful and not what society said. It meant not wanting to look like someone else or trying to be something I wasn't but embracing who and what I was and being confident in her. After all confidence is the best accessory a girl can put on every day.

Dare to be you today, screw the world and it's judegement.