Why do some of us feel an overbearing amount of guilt even years after we have sinned? Is it because we are incapable of letting go of the hurt we have caused others? Is it because we think the mistakes of our past will give others a reason to define us? How do we relieve ourselves of this torturous thought that gains an exhausting amount of power over us?
This guilt is caused by the fact that we have not forgiven ourselves. Natural insecurities have gained control of the way we internalize our reflections. We feel we must fix the chaos we have created in someone else's world. We have not developed a love for ourselves that erases the concern of who we used to be.
We dwell on what is not in our hands anymore, rather than what we can currently change. We have this never-ending need to settle previous animosity. We tend to think deeply into things that have lost meaning. We develop the urges to reach out to people who have created FURY in our hearts, because we put the blame on ourselves. We allow the thoughts to continue even when they turn in an unpleasant direction.
We must acknowledge that we have suffered and we have caused sufferings. This is expected. We have had our hearts broken, and we have also broken the hearts of others. This is expected. We must accept the fact that we cannot change who we were, and the decisions we have made that led us to who we are today. There should be appreciation in our sins because, without them, growth would not be evident. Lessons would not have surfaced. Minds would not be increasingly stronger.
Personally, I have not been able to escape guilt. It has followed me like a gigantic shadow. My past friendships still haunt me because I feel as though I am responsible for the unnecessary arguments that have led to our downfall. I attempted to find ways to eliminate this from my thought process, and this is what I have held onto in the midst of my mind desiring to destroy me:
1. Lose the weight you're carrying on your shoulders.
You are empathetic to the extent that you allow another's position to persuade you to hate yourself for all you have done wrong. However, you should learn to love the rarity in the remorse you feel. You should understand that the constant need to apologize shows more about who you are than the initial wrongdoing does. Let go of the negativity that is overpowering all that you do.
2. Determine if your guilt is a complex illusion.
You may be experiencing "false" guilt. Your mindset is pulling you into a dark place where it convinces you that you have harmed another, when in fact you haven't. Your memory is distorting the TRUTH, purposely, causing you to overthink your behalf of a situation to an extreme extent. When you are involved with intense emotions, it is common to be lured into thinking irrationally and further projecting the anger and sadness onto yourself that occurs in a form of blame. In moments of frailty, your mind will manipulate you into thinking you are not in control. RECOGNIZE WHEN THIS IS OCCURRING AND FIGHT IT WITH ALL OF YOUR EFFORTS!
3. Challenge the devil on your shoulders.
Do not let your insecurities change the remarkable image you should have of yourself. Once you learn to develop beauty from the pain you have inflicted, you will not be blind to the many wonders you have brought into this world since you have last sinned.
4. Do not let it consume you.
It is necessary to feel guilt for our actions that have caused others misery. However, this guilt should not exceed certain limits. If our faults remain within us for an everlasting amount of time, the unhealthiness needs to be evaluated. We are all deserving of redemption. There cannot be saving if there is no healing from the scars we have produced.
5. Recognize that your heart outweighs your sins.
Seek to embrace the goodness of your soul, rather than remaining stuck on any inner evils you have struggled with on your journey. Find forgiveness in hidden corners of all that you do, for sins both known and unknown. Once you accept your past demons with open arms, you will no longer sense the constant need to ask for redemption.
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