I am a person who likes to think I embrace change. However, when the time comes I am forced to admit that I struggle quite a bit when it comes to adapting to a new transition. As someone who loves comfort, struggles with insecurity and anxiety, and who has a bad case of the perfectionism bug, I tend to fight change like a cat forced to take a bath. Look out.
This particular season of my life, I have found myself in one of the biggest transitions of my life, or I should say biggest transition(s) of my life. They aren’t all bad, they just have required much of my strength, and to be honest some days I feel as though I have just plumb ran out. Just this year alone I have gained an amazing man by my side, and boy are we both learning how to be partners in this mess of a ride we call life. I graduated a community college and have embarked on a journey at a large University (go Salukis!), I lost a precious pet of 9 years, and to top it all off I recently found out my family and I are moving about a half hour away from where we currently live. Whew.
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I say all that not to give myself a pity party (I’ve had plenty enough up til now to last me a while, thanks though) or any sympathy, but rather just to say I’ve really struggled to find peace amidst all the shifting waves of change and uncertainty. I have a good day where I feel like I’ve made it to the top of the mountain only to have a day where my anxiety is so bad I can’t breathe and I lash out at those closest to me (or cry at everything as it seems to be the case lately). However, amidst all the crazy upheaval I am coming to realize an important truth that I may have always known but just hadn’t let fully sink in:
Peace is not the absence of uncertainty, but rather peace is accepting that you do not have to be certain of everything.
I absolutely hate the all too common “reassuring” phrase that “it’s all going to be okay” or the all allnoying response "well worry doesn’t help just calm down.” Frankly, I know it usually will be in the end but it doesn’t help my anxious mind one bit. In fact I kind of just want to bite you right then and there (sorry, not sorry). So, I refuse to tell you the same. Instead I would like to propose to you that it very well may not be okay right now, nor can I promise you it will even be okay with time. However, I will say this:
Your peace is not solely dependent upon outcomes. Your peace is only truly dependent upon your decision to let go of fear and simply take a step into the unknown without paying mind to what you do not know.
Sometimes it’s painful and uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s scary and will take every ounce of strength that is in your being. But something I have found to be true even in the whirling mess of chaos is I am only always equipped to be, I am not always required or able to do.
Just breathe. Just Be.
And finally accept your peace.
