I loved holidays as a child. Christmas especially, because it meant my brothers and I could dance around to Christmas music on the radio after dinner and my parents wouldn't mind. We never were a household that upheld the "Santa's bringing you presents" idea; early on I would try to stay up late to see if there actually was an old bearded man who came with presents, but I quickly deduced that since we didn't have a chimney, Santa couldn't come anyway, even if he was real.

Ever since college started, things have been different -- mostly because I no longer live at home. And whenever I do go home, it's difficult for me to really treat it as a vacation. I was formally diagnosed with mild anorexia/OSFED (Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorder) two years ago and even though I generally feel better about myself more than I used to, being around my family (a family that loves food) inevitably amplifies the fear I have of gaining weight. I cannot say how many times I've excused myself during dinner to "use the restroom" only to actually spit out food into the toilet or lied about eating breakfast so that my mother wouldn't make me eat more. It's a constant battle, and as winter break approaches and I prepare myself to head back for three weeks, that familiar feeling of nervousness is returning.

For those who may be going through similar things, eating disorder or not, I've discovered three key things that have eased my relationship with food and consequently with my family.

1.) Value your time with your loved ones. There was a period where I was so preoccupied with food and my weight that I completely neglected my parents and brothers. In fact, I would actively push them away during mealtimes and finish eating early so I wouldn't be asked to eat more. Thinking about it now, the amount of energy I had spent avoiding them pretty much negated the point of me going home in the first place. Holiday break is a time to appreciate friends, family, and whoever is important in your life.

2.) Know that nothing is permanent and change is possible. Your jeans may feel tighter after Christmas dinner, and that's fine. Weight is not a permanent thing. You lose it, you gain it; the numbers that show up on the scale are not set in stone. Of course, adopting this mindset is easier said than done -- I still weigh myself every morning, but gone is the guilt if I eat more unhealthily than planned. At the end of the day, actively depriving yourself isn't going to do you any good.

3.) Set attainable goals for yourself. If it helps you to loosely keep track of the food you eat, or how much you've exercised for the day, do it. I find it comforting when I can see my progress recorded down somewhere. Certain weight-watching apps make it easier to accomplish these things, and I personally feel that having consistency (especially because my family tends to be more on the spontaneous side) offers reassurance.

With these pointers in mind, have a wonderful, relatively stress-free holiday season. Having a complicated relationship with food is a struggle and can be exhausting, but I hope that you remember there is more to what defines you than your weight.