At one point or another we have all been anxious about something. A new job, meeting your significant other's parents, anything really. It's a completely normal feeling and for many, the anxious feelings are few and far between. Others may have a more difficult time and have anxious feelings more frequently; an anxiety disorder, if you will. Many sufferers have an idea of what activities or things that can cause their anxiety. As a sufferer of generalized anxiety disorder, I have pretty much figured out what causes me the most stress. And one of my biggest triggers happens to be a big part of one of my most favorite things.
A crowd. A big group of people crammed into a space like a can of sardines. Walmart during the holidays is actually my worst nightmare.
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Unfortunately, crowds are everywhere.
I love concerts. I've been going to concerts since I started high school. I love seeing bands perform onstage and feeling the music rush through my body. There's really nothing like it.
A crowd at a concert can be a bit much even for those who don't have any anxiety problems. The pushing and shoving and being on top of strangers does not sound appealing to many. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick.
And yet I still go to concerts.
Of course I take some precaution before the show. I take my anxiety medication. I try to focus on the reason I'm there, and most of the time, I'm fine. I can handle the crowd and push and shove with the best of them. But there are times when it is all too much, even with the medication. The crowd, the booming speakers and the voices of fans surrounding me put me in a bad place. Much like being overtaken by a wave at the beach, the crowd will swallow me. As I drown in the sea of people, the sound of the music will die down in my head. My breathing will become erratic and heat will radiate through my body. My hands will go clammy. And no matter how much I love the band performing or how badly I want to be in the crowd, I'll make a beeline for the back.
So if I know that crowds bother me, why would I put myself through that kind of stress?
The answer is simple.
I spend most of my days feeling crazy for being so anxious about everything. That small tasks such as making a phone call or ordering food at a restaurant can send me into distress. At concerts, everyone is there for the same thing: to listen to and feel the music. I feel a sense of normalcy being in that crowd of strangers. We all have our own problems at home, but for one night we are all the same. The person you stand next to may be failing all of his college courses, and the girl behind you may be going through her first divorce. During that time I am no longer the girl with an anxiety disorder. For a few short hours, none of those problems matter. We are fans in a crowd, singing and dancing to the same song and for that night, we belong together. Even if I start to feel anxious in a crowd and have to move to the back, I am still there for the same reason as everyone else. I find a great amount of comfort in that.
So while some would think it's crazy to put oneself in a stressful situation, such as a crowd at a concert, I find it to be the one place where my anxious soul can find some peace; some normalcy.
