Lately, I’ve found myself in the biggest state of depression and stress in all of my years of living. I find it ironic how quickly anyone even myself could feel the emotional turmoil of depression, nonetheless state that they’re depressed. However, this isn’t the topic of today’s article. The topic is about you, and doing things for yourself in a form of self help. No that can’t be right, it’s about how I realized how I should’ve been helping myself and how I've been neglecting my own form of maintenance.
You see, I personally believe that at some point or another in your lifetime, you should do yourself a form of spiritual cleansing. Spiritual cleansing? Well in a way, tapping into your own subconscious and letting go of your problems. See, personally I believe at some point or another in your life, you should talk to yourself and have a personal conversation with yourself and just try to rant and think to yourself about what’s going on in your life. I know it sounds a bit crazy to think about, and being alone with your thoughts may sound boring, but hear me out for a second.
Personally, I believe doing this can re-establish your overall mindset and kind of organize your mind and come to an understanding of what is going on with yourself, and your life. In my experience of doing this, I was able to come to terms that whatever has happened in my life is something I cannot change as of now and that I am the master of my own life. Nonetheless, doing this benefits me by better understanding how I truly feel emotionally, whether I feel any untapped emotion that is ready to burst or have an emotionless and blank state of feeling and mind.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Well Jay, isn’t it easy to just know how you feel and just declare it as it? Isn’t it easy for us to already know how we feel?” Well you see, it’s not that simple. For example, I feel blank at the moment. I don’t feel sad or mad, I just know that I am not happy. I’ve been able to come to terms with this realization by talking to myself and having a conversation or open discussion with myself on how my life’s been, up till this point and what I truly feel. Or in the matter of what my regrets are and coming to terms that what’s in the past is in the past and life continues and moves forward. As I tried to map out specific points in my life and what I currently do, to make connections and pinpoint reasons as to why I think and feel this way. However, how I have come to terms with that emotional conclusion? Well here’s a little story…
Being alone is a common thing here at Montclair State University, well for me that is, for I’m a weird hybrid of extrovert and introvert. Extroverted by day, introverted by night. So being alone at night isn’t that weird for me, moving on- I usually find myself alone going from the village (the part of campus I unfortunately currently dorm) to Sam’s place (restaurant on campus). Here’s a quick look at the map:
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Just due to it being a long distance from my dorm and half my friends either commute or live on the opposite side of campus. Nonetheless, getting to the point- as I walked to my dorm hall last week, I found myself without a phone(it died) nor headphones. This meant I was alone with just myself and my thoughts, meaning I was more alone than loneliness itself. I figured to myself, “This isn’t too bad I can just sing a really good song to myself (it’s usually "Careless Whisper: by George Michael or any Dance Gavin Dance song) or practice reciting poetry,” but instead I chose to just talk. Just opening up my mouth and just ranting and talking, and oh man did I do a lot of talking. Let’s just say I got to know myself, and he’s a pretty cool guy.
Through this form talking, I gotten to realize my faults and how to atone for them. I’ve gotten to realize what it is that I’m missing in my life, and why I feel that blank state of being. I was able to come to fact on why I isolate myself in that weird hybrid of extro-introversion, and even look into my love life and personal/interpersonal relationships. That whole walk felt like 2 hours of therapy in the matter of a 20 minute walk.
I felt blissful, like I’ve touched the surface of nirvana and even that touch was enough for me to become at peace with myself. I spent that night writing apology texts to people I’ve done wrong or chose to erase from my life, and caught up with those I’ve been too busy to talk to. I even tried to catch up with my assignments, and to my own surprise I’ve even gotten a good night’s sleep(which I haven’t had since the end of the last semester). This is what I wanted, this is what I needed. However, I still wasn’t happy, I’m still not happy. But that doesn’t stop me, nor change my thought process. It is because in that talk, I’ve told myself something that I didn’t think would even be a thought in mind, “No matter how sad or unhappy I get, I’m going to keep pushing forward because I am the master of my life. I want to be able to move forward until I reach my state of happiness.” Through that idea, I’ve incorporated into my reality one of my favorite quotes of all time:
“The world ends with you. If you want to enjoy life, expand your world. You gotta push your horizons out as far as they'll go.”
Sanae Hanekoma, The World Ends With You, 2009. Square Enix
In the end, I think everyone should come to terms with themselves, whether emotionally or mentally. Be your own therapist and have your own epiphany. Getting in touch with yourself and having a self maintenance of knowing how you feel and what troubles you will help you push yourself harder than ever. Personally, I believe this will help better structure your life and lead you into a path of success in what you’re willing/looking to accomplish.
