Our relationship was not the best, some may say that it was an abusive relationship. But at that point in time, that was my safe ground. It took so much from me to finally end things and move on, almost five years to be exact. I blamed myself for everything that went wrong in that relationship because you made it seem like it was my fault, but it was not.

It was not my fault that you cheated on me. It was not my fault that you got in trouble for the things you did. And it was not my fault that I took every hit (mentally, physically, and emotionally) that you threw my way. But you see, when you feel safe - even with everything toxic being thrown your way - it makes you scared to walk away. You knew I felt safe around you and you used that to your advantage. You knew I was scared to walk away and that I actually loved you. You knew that I would do anything to be with you… but things changed. You did not love me like you said you did. You were not there like you used to be. You honestly did not care about my well-being. If anything benefited you then that was all that mattered, even if it put me in danger.

Now that I look back on it… there were so many signs that I should have seen. So many times I should have walked away, but I did not. That does not make me weak; it actually made me a stronger person in the end. Yes, it hurts because now I have so many issues that make it hard for me to see the best in the next guy. The past does not haunt me, but there are so many things I do now that I still wonder how you would react. No, it is not because I want approval from you. It is just what I went through for five years.

I left you because I found my worth and knew I needed way more. I knew that there was someone out there that would appreciate the little things I did for them. There is someone out there that will take me serious when I am crying or trying to express my concerns. There is someone out there that will take my feelings into consideration. There is someone out there that will not put me down. There is someone out there that won’t throw whatever hit they can my way. There is someone out there that will want me to succeed. There is someone out there that will strive with me.

While I know that there is someone out there, it is still hard for me to get close to someone. You ruined that for me and you almost ruined me. You made me feel that I had no worth in a relationship. Honestly, you broke me.

If a person loves you like they say they do, they would not do what you did to me. They would not put your safety in the back of their mind. They would not blame you for a situation you had no control over. They would not make you feel worthless. They would not yell at you because you did not meet the standards they wanted. They would not make you feel that you had nothing worth living for.

If you were to ask me now why I stayed with you, that question would honestly have no answer. I thought you were the one but you really were not. You took so much out of me and used it to your advantage. You still think you have me wrapped around your finger, but you do not. I am my own person. I am strong and I am finding myself in this world. I am doing things that you said I would never do. I am going places that I never dreamed of because you controlled me. I am meeting new people who you used to fear me hanging out with.

I am strong, and leaving you was my breath of fresh air.