The restaurant was full of people stuffing their faces with all sorts of food. In front of me at my table was my date. Her name was Jennifer and I met her through a friend at a party. I drunkenly asked her on a date and she drunkenly said yes. I didn’t remember anything from that night until I got a text in the morning. When I checked my phone, Alyson texted me an emoji of a smiley face, explaining how excited she was for our date. I was about to say it was a mistake, but what the hell, she was a cute girl. So I texted her back, and explained I would see her Saturday night at a restaurant called Bonefish. As the date commenced, we both sat in the corner of the restaurant with a nice view of the trees near the shopping center. As we began talking, we asked the general questions of what do you like and what do you like to eat. You know, the same questions when two strangers are trying to get to know one another. Then she asked the question on what hobbies I like. So I told her, and her faced looked like I said I murder children for a living.

“I’m a huge bookworm, I love reading. I just finished reading the Powder Mage Trilogy. What have you read?" I said.

“I don’t read much, but I did read the Kim Kardashien book with all her Snapchat pictures. I love her show so much; she is such an inspiration to women who want to get into business and make money. I love her apps too! Do you watch her show at all?” Jennifer said, with her eyes wide with glee. When she told me this I was in shock. Did she really just say that?

“Umm not really, I don’t watch her show at all. Didn’t she get famous for a sex tape?” I asked.

“Yeah, she did, but look at her now. She is a millionaire and she is on top of the world!”

As the conversation went on, my brain felt like it was melting. I’m not bashing her for liking her idol, but at the lack of the conversation. It kind of went downhill from there as she started talking about how great all these reality TV stars were. I was too afraid to tell her that it was all scripted. I just knew this girl was not my type at all. I’m a person who loves conversation about different things like art, comics and movies. But this girl was talking so much nonsense that I was waiting for the check after we ate the food. I couldn’t speak one word at all and kept nodding my head.

She wanted to hang out afterwards, but I just couldn’t listen to another word. She just kind of started to sound annoying. I picked a movie for both of us to see so I wouldn’t have to hear her theories on The Real Housewives. I’m happy to say I picked "Jurassic World" and didn’t have to hear her for two hours; my mind was at peace. Let's just say there wasn’t a second date. I don’t think I was her type either.

Sometimes, I wisely thought it was just easier to be alone in the world, but humans need human interaction. I think my problem is that the way we communicate has changed so much, all over the world, that it's hard for me to assimilate. Everything about dating is now surrounded by apps. I can name a few off the top of my head. There is Tinder, EHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Zooks dating and the list can go on and on. I think my problem is I was born at the wrong time. I have an old soul and I’m a hopeless romantic. I blame movies and books for my feelings on love. I have to say, in a way I blame my parents. Now those two just bring me joy when I see them. It’s been thirty years of marriage, and both are still in love like two teenagers. I look at that and in my heart that is what I want.

The reality of this, is the world can be full of disappointments. People all around the world put such high expectations on dating that they want this Prince Charming but are actually get the Prince of Rats. In my opinion, I blame these dating apps. When I go out for errands or to go out to parties, all I see half the time is foreheads looking at small screens.

Our phones are linked to us in such an unhealthy way that I’m not sure if we can ever let go of the device for more than an hour or so without freaking out. I asked myself, "can I find that missing piece to my soul? Can I find that one person who can relate to me in a spiritual level?" So, I tried a bunch of these apps that were available throughout the social media spectrum. I wanted to try out Plenty of Fish, because my friend said he found some beautiful woman on that app.

I did my profile and set everything up with my picture. I waited and after a couple of days I got a couple messages. All I got, as responses, were from older, single mothers or really scary looking woman who might cut my liver out and sell it in the black market. That was a total bust on my part and I searched for another app. I thought, if people can find some sort of love online it doesn’t hurt to try. I went and found some other websites that might help me out. Now, I did get some okay-dates, but I guess my responses online could have had a lot of work done. I always have trouble trying to talk online. It starts off wellm but then the girl just stops responding and kind of pushes me out their minds. Maybe I need to go to a class on the concept of talking online. After some practice, I got the hang of it, but wasn’t yet mastering the text talk.

I got a date through the Tinder app, and by looking at her profile she seemed like a really nice girl. She was tall, brunette, and it looked like she kept herself fit. Her name was Melanie and we were going to PF Changs. We met up at the restaurant and I’m glad I reserved a table beforehand. Waiters were running back and fourth and people were angrily waiting outside in the cold to grab a seat. While we waited for our table, I noticed our conversation was definitely much better than the last few I had with the others. The night was going great and we were getting to know one another. She was going to school to become a sports doctor and was a geek as well. But there was an itch in the back of my mind, this was just going too well and I was having a bad feeling about it. I had already been on a bunch of bad dates, so I was always sort of paranoid at the prospect of something bad happening. Sadly, I was right.

Our conversation was going well until she brought up her ex. Now, isn’t it a rule never to bring up your ex in any date, not even as a funny story? She started talking about how horrible her ex was and how he cheated on her, but then she started to get into way too much detail about their sex life and what he did wrong in bed. I was thinking, in a way, she was kind of nuts and started to scare me a little. I tried to feel bad and empathize with her because cheating sucks and finding out about it is worse, but she talked about it for well over 40 minutes. It just started to get awkward for me; my mind was telling me to leave and get the hell out of there.

But of course I couldn’t find the waiter at all and I kept nodding my head and saying how bad I felt. Then she started to talk about killing him a little too loudly and started to get teary eyed. I was getting kind of scared because she was getting close to the knives. Luckily, the waiter came. I paid and got the hell out of there.

Maybe with the concept of dating, we as a society need to think outside the box and not be sucked in through our little screens. I just feel like when using these sites I have always found the wrong people. Maybe I was using them wrong, but all the results I have been having with these apps have just been a terrible roller-coaster ride. I know there has to be someone out there for me. So, after all those complicated dates, I decided the problem was with the dating apps I was using and that app dating just isn't for me.

My plan was to research why online dating might not be right for me. I went to do my research and after reading a bunch of different articles, I just found information that didn’t help my case. I guess it is an easier way to meet people, but personally, it just gives me a bunch of anxiety on what could be the wrong thing to say to a person. I felt like I was judging what a woman looked like by swiping left. I feel that these apps make us play gods by judging people and thinking of ourselves as the sexiest people in the world.

In reality, we shouldn’t be judging anyone’s appearance at all. I know I shouldn’t be making my choice from a picture and some small description post. I felt like I was always on my phone to check on my notifications every five minutes. I checked my phone all the time: before I went to bed and when I woke up in the morning. It felt like my phone was stuck and chained to my hand. I felt like a prisoner to these apps. My mind felt like a jumbled mess, not knowing what to do. Frankly, I felt like I was wasting time on my phone and losing what was right in front of me. Every time I tried to find the girl of my dreams, it felt like being in a car crash. With the research I found, I think I just need to step back form all these dating apps.

Dating apps work for a lot for people, but it just doesn’t work for me. I think it’s great for hooking up and finding some fun. I know some people have found their soul mates online, but that is rare to come by. I think with online dating there will always be a risk, just like regular dating. Meeting people will always be nerve-racking and anxiety filled. I think what I have to do is step back and let finding love come naturally. I think it should come unexpectedly, and when the time comes I know it will be meaningful to me.