All lives connect. That's a phrase that everybody's heard before, but considering how individualistic we are as a society, it's barely ever seen in practice. It's another one of those nice spiritual sayings that sounds like something a cartoon hippie would say. It's not until you see examples of that saying, that you really understand what it means and start applying it to your life more. From that point on, you'll see that everything you do has some sort of chain reaction.
That point for me was about last month. To say that I was kinda suicidal would be an understatement. My suicidal impulses were always on my mind. I've always been a person who values my individuality and so in my depressive episodes, I had it in my head that I was in all of it alone. Of course, this couldn't have been farther from the truth, however had I been able to do everything that I wanted to do, I likely would've given in to those impulses.
This brings me back to that phrase: We're all connected to each other. I did actually consider how the results of my actions could affect the others in my life and I figured that they had it in them to eventually move on from whatever I did to myself. I'd say that I trivialized the ripple effect of my actions. The things I do have some sort of effect on others that are, at times, hard to see. From my financial habits in buying more food than I need, to my episodes of depression where I consider ending my life to be rid of my negative feelings, it'll affect someone else connected to my life in a big way. This train of thought has led me to think more about others and give myself a level of responsibility over my actions.
While it sounds like an unnecessary and taxing burden to place on oneself, I think it brightens my life a bit. I can cherish others much more than I ever have, considering I think about how I can influence their lives in positive ways rather than assuming that I take from their quality of life and that they'd move on just fine without me, which is something that just isn't true. The fact that I'd be taking something of great value to them is a thought that I've been making a conscious effort to remember. As a Christian, I should place great value in God's creations, and so this should extend to myself as well as others. By remembering that, I'm driven to be conscientious in my decisions even if I seem to be the only one that would be effected.
Despite this positivity, I do know that I'll see those depressive episodes again, but I have a brighter and bigger perspective now. When a situation seems too dark to see past, I just need to remember that there's more to the picture that I'm missing. I'm not the only one in this picture either. My family and friends are always with me. If you're ever facing a difficult time yourself, just remember that you still have yet to see the bigger picture as well. I hope I was able to help shed some light on your life.
In case anyone reading this needs it, the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
