Recently, something happened to me that broke my heart, and changed things. It may seem small to some of you, but to me, it was a big deal. A very good friend of mine decided to stop talking to me. This friend was someone that I trusted with a lot of things because we were so close. We were always together. We had lots of laughs. We loved to pick on each other.
These kinds of things usually make someone want to cry into a pillow. It can make you feel like you aren't worth anything. It can make you feel like you can't trust anyone. It makes you angry at this person. It makes you wish bad luck towards the person.
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I'll admit it. When I found out I was angry. I was sad. I felt like I had no worth. I started to realize something later. God was there the whole time. He was there when my friendship started. He was there when we were mad at each other. He was there when we laughed. Then he was there when it was all over. He was there the ENTIRE time.
That entire time God was like Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy. He was saying "Pick me. Choose me. Love me". I was trying to find my joy in this friend, and not in God, who gives eternal joy. When you try finding joy in anything other than God, it's disastrous. It won't work out. It won't last. It won't completely satisfy you.
So I thought about it. I wanted joy. I wanted happiness. I wanted to feel loved, wanted, and worthy. That's the cool news. Jesus loves us, he wants us, and he thinks we are worthy enough for his love, even when we aren't. He wants to have a relationship with you. That relationship will be the best one you've ever had. Things won't work out without him. Don't idolize someone and expect them to be God. Idiocies God and expect him to be God because, well... God is God.
After realizing this, I started to pray. I was praying for the week ahead. I was working at a summer camp called Camp Cho-Yeh at the time. That week they put me on Kitchen Crew, which I wasn't too excited about. When I prayed, I asked for God to remind me that I can be joyful because I have Jesus. I asked God to change my heart into one that wants to serve. So that's what he did. He reminded me throughout the day how much I'm loved, and how all the work I'm doing at camp, is to advance his kingdom.
So here's my encouragement. Find your joy in the Lord, don't try to find satisfaction in temporary things that don't last, and keep talking to God. Remember that you are loved so much by Jesus. Even when you don't feel like it, or you feel like you messed up too much. He always has and always will love us.
