When I was growing up I wanted to be the perfect "Christian." I went to church every Sunday, I read my Bible routinely and gave money. Isn't that what you are supposed to do?
I guess you could say life wasn't the same when I walked through the doors in high school. I became bitter with jealousy, I preferred materials and status over relationships, and I didn't truly value people for who they were.
I remember a time in high school where a girl had made a comment about the death of my mother. Altering my opinion of this person, it changed my actions on how to deal with problems. Anger was an emotion that dragged with me in my everyday life. I changed into a hateful person because I held on to a grudge.
In other words... I was broken.
I wanted to get rid of the weight that held me down for so long. I tried finding substitutes in guys. I wanted to be better than someone just for the glory but never firmly found happiness. I let my life fall into pieces because of my determination to not forgive.
My perspective changed when God placed one specific verse into my life.
"While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
While I was still broken, selfish, and ashamed... Christ died for me. How beautiful is that? Even when I am at my worst, defeated with guilt and at rock bottom, Jesus still thought I was worth dying for.
This is love.
This is forgiveness.
This is grace.
When I struggled to even look at the girl who made such a nasty comment, I was able to let go of that anger and forgive, fully forgive. When I look back at the situation, I don't feel anger anymore. I don't have spiteful emotions. I was free. I am free.
Jesus came to save everyone, every situation, and every struggle so that we can find God's grace when we need it the most.
Take the lyrics to the old hymn "Amazing Grace" and think about the first stance. "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound? That saved a wretch like me."
This is a reminder that we are not meant to save ourselves. We are not called to fix our own problems and deal with this life alone. When I was at my worst and dropped to my knees begging God to aid my soul, I felt His grace and it was enough.
