A year ago if you asked me about "God" or "Higher Power," I would have flat out said it was all a crock of crap. I would proudly announce myself as an Atheist and insult those who had any sort of faith. I was lost and cynical, trying to fill a hole in my soul I could never seem to fill with substances and sex. When I finally got clean, I was able to clear my head of the fog caused by the abuse I put myself through. That is when I found my faith. Everything I had missing in my was filled, and for once in my life I felt peace. I can pinpoint finding my faith to three separate occasions: the Serenity Prayer, walking the labyrinth, and meeting my best friend.

I have been hearing the Serenity Prayer since I started my journey through hospitalizations and rehabs. After every group therapy session we would recite, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Until I found God, I hated having to look, read, or even think about that prayer. I thought to myself God isn't real! How can something so powerful, allow me so much pain? I felt abandoned and alone, with so many unanswered questions. I didn't realize the solution had been staring me in the face since I was 16. The Serenity Prayer ends with "the wisdom to know the difference" between what we, as humans, can and cannot change. I could not accept not knowing and not having control. Now I live my life by this prayer. I give everything up to God, and when things do not go my way, I know it wasn't meant to be. I have learned to accept what I cannot change, found courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I can also relate my faith to the walk I took around the labyrinth on my last day in rehab #2. Labyrinths or mazes are an ancient symbol of wholeness and are often used in meditation and prayer. I was told if you ask a question and walk the labyrinth, you would find an answer by the center. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I walked out to the maze and asked, "Is Arizona the right place for me?" By the center I felt an overwhelming and amazing sense of lightness and assurance that I am on the right track. I cannot describe the feeling as anything other than Divine. It was the first time in my life I felt spiritual, and I also learned a very important lesson about spirituality. I see Religion and Spirituality as two separate concepts. Religion is many people worshiping a god they were told to worship with specific rules and regulations. To me, Spirituality is finding your own version of God, and practicing your faith how you believe it should be done.You may not even want to call him/her/it "GOD," but as long as you find happiness and peace, you have found God. Your version of God may be different than mine, and that is okay. The problems occur when one person thinks their God is better than others. I think we should all agree to be the best kind of person any god would want us to be: loving, kind, loyal, and forgiving.

I wouldn't have anywhere near the amount of faith I have today, had it not been for my best friend, J. He is the most devoted person I have ever met. He gives his all to God and has guided me to do the same. He teaches me about God without lecturing. We take sunset hikes and talk about God like you would the weather. He answers any and all questions I have, but he also asks me for advice (especially girl advice). Everything had been made easier with J. in my life. He is my best friend and I am blessed to call him that.

It is amazing what pure love and faith will do to your soul. A year ago I was a homeless drug addict. I was lost and broken, and I blamed God for my struggles. Today, I thank God for what I had to go through, because I never would have made it to where I am today without those hardships. Now I can feel love for others as well as myself. I know every person was made perfect by their God and I know I was made perfect by mine. The imperfections we see on ourselves are just evil thoughts trying to block us from happiness.

I pray everyone one day find theirs own version of God--even if you don't want to call it that. I pray you find light and peace. Have a wonderful day, thank you for reading, and God bless!