At this very moment, there is someone who you are struggling to forgive. Or perhaps there has been a previous time where you eventually elected forgiveness instead. I know this because you would not have chosen to read this article if otherwise. I know this because I have been in your shoes.
Who (or was) that person in your life? It may be someone you encounter on a daily basis. It may be someone you have not seen in what seems like an eternity. It may be someone who hurt you a long time ago or someone who continuously chooses to hurt you, over and over again. It may be someone who has wronged you intentionally or someone who cannot even fathom the amount of pain they have caused. Maybe the person you’re thinking of may not be the hardest one you’ve ever had to forgive. But if it’s not, I assure you someone will come along in your life and will challenge you to forgive more than ever before.
These people have hurt us. The world cries for justice in our ears. Our minds conjure up revenge for our spiteful perpetrators. We assure ourselves that karma is undoubtedly a nasty fate, which will deliver payment where payment is due. We are the innocent ones. We are the ones who were hurt.
You destroyed me. You deserve to be damaged just like I was.
I don’t wish the best for you. How could I after all you did and still do to me?
This is the lie the world will cry out to us. In an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth society, forgiveness is lost in a sea of pain that searches desperately for the automatic instinct of anger and hatred to heal our wounds.
I know this because I experienced it. I used resentment, disgust, and bitterness as a shield to keep me from being hurt again by the same person. Without that “protective” shield, I felt lonely and rejected. Therefore, anger didn’t allow me to miss or pity that person. It allowed me to rid them from my life completely because they didn’t deserve to be there in the first place. Loathing was my safety blanket, and truthfully, I was terrified to lose it out of fear for what I might experience.
But the harsh reality is that in trying to free that person from my life in the wrong ways, I ended up becoming trapped myself. I recently heard a simple quote filled with a lifetime of wisdom. “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you” (Lewis B. Smedes).
You see, with an angry mindset, we may seem to “free” our enemies from our lives, but end up ruining ourselves in the process. However, when we choose forgiveness, we not only truly release those significant people from our lives, but we also offer ourselves actual freedom. Many different people have been attributed to the quote, “having anger and resentment is like drinking poison but expecting someone else to die from it.”
Do not be fooled into believing that forgiving means forgetting. I believed this for a long time until I finally discovered that forgiveness is far from that. Yes, the pain may last a lifetime, which will never allow you to forget. But it is the control of that memory which shows us how strong we are in forgiving.
Therefore, do not be fooled into believing that forgiveness is a sign of weakness, either. I think we can all agree on the fact that this process is no easy task. It requires patience, pain, heart, and sometimes even our entire selves. Forgiveness can be an exhausting feat depending on the circumstances, especially if we are asked to forgive someone day in and day out.
Lastly, do not be fooled into believing that forgiveness is a feeling. The Father’s love is not a feeling, therefore, the way we forgive should follow suit. Rather, forgiveness is a choice. Let me repeat: forgiveness is NOT a feeling; it is a choice. Forgiveness is the choice I make to wake up every morning and pray fervently for that one person who has hurt me the most. It is the choice in asking God listen to the needs of that person today before mine. It is the choice in praying for God to bless the person I want to pray for the least before He blesses me. It is the choice to love that person, not because they make it easy, but because he or she is simply loved by the Father first.
On my own path to forgiveness, I knew what my ultimate goal was. I wanted to forgive and I desired that freedom I knew forgiveness would ultimately offer me. But frankly, I didn’t understand how to forgive. I had never been required to forgive someone who had hurt me so deeply in my entire life. While in prayer, I heard a simple command: “Love. Just love them. Love them as I love you.”
If we’re being honest with ourselves, how can we ever ask God to forgive us for our sins if we can’t forgive that one person in our own lives? How can we pray “give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us,” if we aren’t actually carrying out that action? Matthew 6:14 even says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Forgiveness will not happen overnight. It is a slow, yet enlightening journey that will leave you feeling refreshed and renewed once you choose to do it for quite some time. Slowly, if you are faithful and strong in your path towards forgiveness, you will see for yourself as that burden becomes lifted. All the things that used to seem important to you just won’t anymore.
I’m not here to tell you I’m perfect when it comes to forgiveness, and I’m certainly no expert. There are days when someone comes back into my life and tests me to start forgiving all over again. But I have seen (and have recently even felt) the results, and I know forgiveness is more beneficial than we can even imagine if we are still holding onto that anger. Take that first step. Make that choice. Choose forgiveness. I promise you won’t be disappointed.
“Lord Jesus,
I especially pray for the grace of forgiveness for the ONE
PERSON in life who has HURT ME THE MOST.
I ask to forgive
anyone who I consider my greatest enemy, the one who is the
hardest to forgive or the one who I said I will never forgive.
Thank You, Jesus,
that I am being freed of the evil of unforgiveness.
Let Your Holy Spirit fill me with light and
let every dark area of my mind be enlightened.
AMEN.”
