The dating blues. We all go through it. We want to be with another person. It’s some innate desire within us – hidden away since the first time we saw some girl in a romantic comedy get her Prince Charming. Maybe it’s been there since your first kiss; whether it was under the crayon table or the stars, you were hooked on love from the moment those lips touched yours. (Provided that the lips that kissed you under the crayon table weren’t sticky from glue, or whatever it is that the toddlers are experimenting with nowadays.) You’re sick of hearing your grandmother tell you that all the boys must be falling all over you. For some of us, it feels like the ones we want will always be out of reach.

Maybe I’m a hypocrite. I’ve always been the type of girl who felt as though she needed to be with someone. The feminist inside me tries to slap that idea out of my head every once in a while, as she should. You don’t need anyone to make you happy. You can’t be happy with another person until you’re happy with yourself. You can’t be happy with yourself until you’ve spent some time alone to figure out who the hell you are. So that’s what I did. I used the time in between useless dates with names I don’t remember to reflect on who I was as a person. I am now with a guy that I love, but that can't truly happen until you love yourself first. It’s like trying to find the right puzzle piece but you haven’t opened the box yet. (The box is your heart. It’s a metaphor. It’s meaningful. Say aw.)

Be selfish. If you know the type of person that you do want (or think you want) to be with, don’t settle. Have a mental checklist, and see if they fit. The thing they don’t tell you about “the list” though, is that you need to be willing to change it. Maybe that hottie with the blonde hair and brown eyes is pretty dreamy, but maybe the one with the awkward laugh and corny jokes is cool too. Understand that sometimes, you need to give new things a chance, but also that there is nothing wrong with giving the old things a chance again too.

If you take one thing away from reading this, it’s that you need to figure out what who you are. You need to be real with yourself on that one. I forget things that are told to me; I need them written down. I always forget to turn out the lights. I like to sleep in a really cold room with blankets pulled around me like a burrito. I solve every bad day with a Tastykake. They may not be the facts of your life, but they are the facts of mine. You need to find the facts of yours. You need to do that, before you can find the person you want to replace that Tastykake and add to your happiness. Figure out what you want, who you are, and don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.