Summer is quickly coming to a close for college students, and I thought I'd take this time to commend all of my fellow classmates. Whether you're attending a college here in Mississippi or somewhere in another state or country, there's something you need know.
This summer I took on two jobs, my job as content creator here, and two very challenging summer courses. For most people, I'm sure this would seem like no big deal. However, it was a huge amount of responsibility for me. I'd worked and gone to school before, but school had always taken priority which meant that I stepped away from almost every job I'd ever had.
I had written for online forums during my freshman year of college, but that, too, hadn't lasted because I can't juggle very well. School had always been number one and anything else tended to just slip out of my nervous hands.
As 50 others and I waited to file into the examination rooms like cattle, my eyes began watering and I had to step outside where I proceeded to dig the two pieces that had become my contact out of my right eye. I mumbled a few unkind words as I walked back into the stale counseling center, took my place at my computer and began the exam.
If I didn't have test anxiety, I may have been able to ace the exam. If I didn't have dyscalculia, one of the learning disabilities that no one ever talks about, then maybe I would have been able to make sense of the 25 questions. If my contact had not split in my eye making me temporarily blind in one eye, then maybe my self-confidence and pride wouldn't be as shaken as they are now. If I was actually competent with numbers, I would have no excuses to make and I would have passed the class with the score I needed.
This isn't my sob story. I started this article the week before the exam in order to celebrate my freedom from summer school for me and everyone else, and I stopped for fear of jinxing myself. It just so happens that superstitions do not apply here. I could've avoided black cats and open umbrellas for the previous 22 years of my existence, and I believe that contact lens would have still split in my eye. I believe that things happen for a reason. Somedays I have no idea why, but I do.
I learned a lot in that class. I thought I would at least be able to accurately complete 50% of the exam with calculations of my already horrible test taking skills. The most frustrating part of the entire ordeal is that I know that I'm smart. I'll probably never make it to Mensa, but that's okay with me. I could write you an entire research paper about my history with math and how my learning deficiencies plague me complete with a Prezi and a visual demonstration.
Don't get me wrong. I understand that I need to be competent with mathematics for my future elementary students. However, elementary math is not my problem. I can do multiplication tables all day, every day. My problems come with statistics and geometry, and the problems seem to multiply from there.
See what I did there?
So, the point of this week's rant is to celebrate. I want to celebrate everyone who is trying. I don't care if you're trying to graduate with a degree or if you're just trying to make it from one day to the next on PB&J sandwiches and double shifts at the local multiplex.
You're awesome! I mean it. If you're waking up each day with an ounce of anything to give toward the day, then you're doing a great job in my book. It's hard out there. It's devastating to give your all to something, and then to feel like you fail in the end. But, you didn't fail. Failing would imply that you didn't try, and you should have someone telling you that you'll do better next time.
Luckily, I have a great support system. My family makes jokes about my math abilities, but they also try their hardest to help me in any way that they can. Everyone should have that kind of support, so that's what this is for.
I'm excited for the fall semester basically because I can immerse myself in all of that I do love about school. I have hope that I'll be able to quit one job and continue with the job that I love. I have hope that I'll graduate in under two years, and I will find a classroom to call my own soon after.
I have the same hopes for those that I encounter. I hope that you all embark on this semester or this season in life with the courage to keep fighting even when the contact is two pieces and your eye can't stop watering. It's gonna suck for a little while, but if you can fight then you may just be able to live to tell your story. Even better, your story may be able to unfold in ways that could be better than you could ever imagine.
