Growing up in my family, the one message that perforated our daily lives was one of sacrifice and basically putting your values on hold for the greater good. However, now that I'm practically out of the house, I wonder when my life will actually be mine.
I never really felt like my path was ever my own. I mean, yeah, a bunch of kids my age feel that way as well, but in my case, I was living a micromanaged life. I love my parents with all my heart, but so many aspects of my life revolved around their schedule or other events that were, for some reason, more important than myself.
It's not like I don't understand that the world doesn't revolve around me, but my life certainly revolves around me. Things that I thought were important or fun were swept under the rug because one person thought it was "lame." It's like my own interests and sense of self were shot down by my family members for reasons unbeknownst to me. It's been so difficult to come to terms with or recognize the person I really am. My personality, or at least the personality I think I have, has been influenced by my family so much to the degree that I've never known who I was supposed to be.
Maybe I'll find my true self in college, or even in the first couple of months on my own. The thing is, I don't have any idea who Sophia is. I have an idea, but I feel like a stranger living some sort of stranger's life. I've lived through other people's decisions, plans, and mistakes.
I'd give anything to finally learn how to be my own person. it's not about the whole idea or concept of personal freedom or "leaving the nest," but more so about being able to make decisions or mistakes that define me. Obviously, my family tries to shield their children from making mistakes like they did, but if we can't make a simple decision on our own, what makes you think we'll have the stuff to resolve our huge mistakes?
After graduation, I'll leave the Valley and the people that mean the most to me. However, I'll finally be able to take charge of the future that I want for myself. There will be mistakes and barriers along the way, but in the big picture, I would have finally discovered the adult I am supposed to be.
