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Student Life

Finals Week As Told By Shitty Poetry

From the perspective of a first-year in a bathroom in agony at 4:00 a.m.

Grace Marie Safford

Dec 19, 2016

Champlain College

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As a freshman in college, this was my first experience with the all-famed finals week. Though I would say my finals week was a little different than most, considering I landed in the ER on Friday (the last day of my finals). Though as I lay on the floor of my dorm bathroom at 4:00 a.m., writhing in pain and wondering why no one had cleaned that one footprint off of the wall yet, I could only think of my finals.

I know, it’s a weird thought to be having before being shipped to the ER, and maybe I was just having a fever dream, but right in the thick of my pain, I started writing. When I finally got out of the ER, I looked back at the poetry I had written about finals week. It’s honestly atrocious writing, but, hey, isn’t finals week atrocious itself? Here’s some poetry about finals week, from the perspective of a first-year in a bathroom in agony at 4:00 a.m.

Monday: 7:40 a.m.

There’s my alarm

I have no finals today

I don’t care what you say

I’m not leaving this bed anytime soon

I’m sleeping till fucking noon

Monday: 8:00 p.m.

There's my textbook

Unopened on my desk

Maybe I should give it a look

Or maybe I should just watch Netflix

I really don't want to read about politics

Tuesday: 11:00 a.m.

Oh shit, I need to study

Oh shit, I can’t believe I didn’t study yesterday

Oh shit, I can’t read what my class notes say

Oh shit, this textbook is dry as hell

I just need a course retell

Wednesday: 12:00 p.m.

I made a mistake on my presentation

Please point it out in front of my teacher

Really man? It was such a small feature

It sucks

Your point has been made

This thing was worth 20 percent of my grade

Thursday: 1:30 p.m.

My partner is 15 minutes late

I’m about to leave at this rate

My chair is uncomfortable

I think I lost a glove

Working alone is favorable

Friday: 4:00 a.m.

An all nighter with my UTI

Shivering on the bathroom floor

Just trying to get by

My body is killing me

I just want my degree

Friday: 11:30 a.m.

Looks like I’m missing my final exam

I’m in the ER, man

Can’t make it up?

Fuck

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Finals Week As Told By Shitty Poetry

From the perspective of a first-year in a bathroom in agony at 4:00 a.m.

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I may or may not be stressing right now.

1. "What do I have to study for?"

2. "What class do I need to study for the most?"

3. "I’m going to ace this."

4. "Focus!"

5."I have no idea what I'm reading."

6. "I should call my smart friend about this."

7. "I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail."

8. "I’m dropping out of school."

9. "What grade do I have to get on the final to pass the class?"

10. "Oh, no, I have to do good."

11. "I shouldn’t have procrastinated all semester."

12. "I wanna go to bed."

13. "We did not learn this!"

14. "I should go get food."

15. "Why do we even have finals?"

16. "I don’t want to be at the library."

17. "Get off your phone."

18. "I can watch Netflix for like 20 minutes and then go back to studying."

19. "I shouldn’t have watched Netflix."

20. "You have to study now!"

The "Happiest Place on Earth" has a lot of characters with some pretty great advice.

Remember you’re the one who can fill the world with sunshine. — Snow White

The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it. — Rafiki

You don't have time to be timid. You must be bold and daring. — Lumière

If watching is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya. — Laverne

Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one. — Grandmother Willow

Always let your conscience be your guide. — Jiminy Cricket

To infinity and beyond. — Buzz Lightyear

Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved. — Pooh

Let it go. — Elsa

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all. — Thumper

Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories. — Genie

It's a time of love, family, memory-making, and gift-giving. But also a time of stressing over the perfect gift.

Money

Socks

Blankets

Gift Cards

Hoodies and Sweatpants

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Candles

A Fish

CDs

Movie Tickets

Candy

Gag Gifts

Dollar Shave Club

A Stocking of Toys

Stationary

Picture Frames

Sports Accessories

Bath Accessories

Portable Phone Charger

Hats

Slippers

Funko Pops

Phone Cases and Pop-sockets

Precious Moments

Subscription Boxes

Alcohol

Scrapbooks

Concert/Show Tickets

Memory Jars

'Open When' Letters

Nail/Hair Certificates

Art Supplies

Makeup Accessories

Anything from Hallmark

Hairbands, Clips, and Bobby-pins​

Stuffed Animals

Posters

Perfume and Cologne

Car Accessories

Love

Find excitement in your life and start exploring wherever you are right here, right now.

Because you know you're going to be stressed out, and Leslie knows exactly how to survive.

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Hairbands, Clips, and Bobby-pins