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Finals Week As Told By Shitty Poetry

From the perspective of a first-year in a bathroom in agony at 4:00 a.m.

Grace Marie Safford

Dec 19, 2016

Champlain College

Pexels

As a freshman in college, this was my first experience with the all-famed finals week. Though I would say my finals week was a little different than most, considering I landed in the ER on Friday (the last day of my finals). Though as I lay on the floor of my dorm bathroom at 4:00 a.m., writhing in pain and wondering why no one had cleaned that one footprint off of the wall yet, I could only think of my finals.

I know, it’s a weird thought to be having before being shipped to the ER, and maybe I was just having a fever dream, but right in the thick of my pain, I started writing. When I finally got out of the ER, I looked back at the poetry I had written about finals week. It’s honestly atrocious writing, but, hey, isn’t finals week atrocious itself? Here’s some poetry about finals week, from the perspective of a first-year in a bathroom in agony at 4:00 a.m.

Monday: 7:40 a.m.

There’s my alarm

I have no finals today

I don’t care what you say

I’m not leaving this bed anytime soon

I’m sleeping till fucking noon

Monday: 8:00 p.m.

There's my textbook

Unopened on my desk

Maybe I should give it a look

Or maybe I should just watch Netflix

I really don't want to read about politics

Tuesday: 11:00 a.m.

Oh shit, I need to study

Oh shit, I can’t believe I didn’t study yesterday

Oh shit, I can’t read what my class notes say

Oh shit, this textbook is dry as hell

I just need a course retell

Wednesday: 12:00 p.m.

I made a mistake on my presentation

Please point it out in front of my teacher

Really man? It was such a small feature

It sucks

Your point has been made

This thing was worth 20 percent of my grade

Thursday: 1:30 p.m.

My partner is 15 minutes late

I’m about to leave at this rate

My chair is uncomfortable

I think I lost a glove

Working alone is favorable

Friday: 4:00 a.m.

An all nighter with my UTI

Shivering on the bathroom floor

Just trying to get by

My body is killing me

I just want my degree

Friday: 11:30 a.m.

Looks like I’m missing my final exam

I’m in the ER, man

Can’t make it up?

Fuck

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Finals Week As Told By Shitty Poetry

From the perspective of a first-year in a bathroom in agony at 4:00 a.m.

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No matter how old you are.

1. Build a snowman

2. Start a snowball fight

3. Build a fort

4. Binge-watch Netflix

4. Look out the window

5. Grab coffee with a friend

6. Complete school or office work

7. Sleep

8. Read a book

9. Bake cookies

10. Drink hot cocoa

11. Go ice skating

12. Take a Walk

"I don't want to do things. I want to not do things."

1. When you look at the syllabus and realize there are only three weeks of the semester left; even though the first day was LITERALLY yesterday.

2. You look at your grades and realize they probably aren't as high as they should be, which is a terrifying realization.

3. When you think to yourself at night, "tomorrow, I will wake up early and go to the library ALL day, and, hell, maybe after I'll go to the gym for a little bit, just to push myself that extra mile."

4. Tomorrow actually comes. The inevitable and overpowering sense of procrastination is too strong to overcome.

5. But you DO end up going to the library. Not all day though, but still, a while. But no, you do not go to the gym. Still, you made an effort, so you decide to treat yo' self.

6. When you realize you need to schedule a meeting with your adviser because you need to sign up for classes next semester. But you also realize that since you waited until the last minute, you're going to get stuck with all of the crappy classes.

7. When you low-key try to slip into conversation with your professors that you need extra credit because you're that desperate.

8. When it's already the third time you've seen your adviser in two days because you have no damn clue what you're doing and need all the help you can get.

9. When you apply for a job associated with your major even though you have no experience, but you just want to dive headfirst into the deep end of adulthood and get it over with.

The world is not always sunshine and rainbows, and you do not have to be, either.

It would be so much easier to just pay someone to do it for you

1. Figuring out when to start

2. Searching through list after list to get everything you need

3. Shopping for deals

4. Getting bins to put everything in

5. Figuring what you can’t live without

6. Going through clothes to find what you need

7. Finding out your siblings took something from you

8. Fighting with your parents.

9. Trying to plan things with your roommate

10. The fear of forgetting something

11. Move in day

Relatable moments from one of the best shows I have ever watched.

1. When you fail that midterm you studied so hard for.

2. When your crush finally texts back.

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7. When that guy/girl you’ve been crushing on agrees to go on a date with you.

8. When you have so much to do, and such little motivation to do it.

9. When someone asks for your last fry.

10. When you try a new health-food craze.

11. When you get new clothing.

12. When you check your bank account.

13. When they're serving good food in the dining hall.

14. When someone tries to tell you what to do.

15. Or just your thoughts about life in general.

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