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Finals Week As Told By Shitty Poetry

From the perspective of a first-year in a bathroom in agony at 4:00 a.m.

Grace Marie Safford
Dec 19, 2016
Champlain College
7
Finals Week As Told By Shitty Poetry
Pexels

As a freshman in college, this was my first experience with the all-famed finals week. Though I would say my finals week was a little different than most, considering I landed in the ER on Friday (the last day of my finals). Though as I lay on the floor of my dorm bathroom at 4:00 a.m., writhing in pain and wondering why no one had cleaned that one footprint off of the wall yet, I could only think of my finals.

I know, it’s a weird thought to be having before being shipped to the ER, and maybe I was just having a fever dream, but right in the thick of my pain, I started writing. When I finally got out of the ER, I looked back at the poetry I had written about finals week. It’s honestly atrocious writing, but, hey, isn’t finals week atrocious itself? Here’s some poetry about finals week, from the perspective of a first-year in a bathroom in agony at 4:00 a.m.


Monday: 7:40 a.m.

There’s my alarm

I have no finals today

I don’t care what you say

I’m not leaving this bed anytime soon

I’m sleeping till fucking noon


Monday: 8:00 p.m.

There's my textbook

Unopened on my desk

Maybe I should give it a look

Or maybe I should just watch Netflix

I really don't want to read about politics


Tuesday: 11:00 a.m.

Oh shit, I need to study

Oh shit, I can’t believe I didn’t study yesterday

Oh shit, I can’t read what my class notes say

Oh shit, this textbook is dry as hell

I just need a course retell


Wednesday: 12:00 p.m.

I made a mistake on my presentation

Please point it out in front of my teacher

Really man? It was such a small feature

It sucks

Your point has been made

This thing was worth 20 percent of my grade


Thursday: 1:30 p.m.

My partner is 15 minutes late

I’m about to leave at this rate

My chair is uncomfortable

I think I lost a glove

Working alone is favorable


Friday: 4:00 a.m.

An all nighter with my UTI

Shivering on the bathroom floor

Just trying to get by

My body is killing me

I just want my degree


Friday: 11:30 a.m.

Looks like I’m missing my final exam

I’m in the ER, man

Can’t make it up?

Fuck
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