For so many years of my life, I put others before myself. To be honest, my happiness wasn’t even an option. I simply went through life attempting to please others, without even thinking about my own feelings.
Eventually, this mindset became emotionally draining. I had to change. My happiness had to come first. I could not continue giving to others without giving to myself.
It actually did happen overnight. I woke up one day and decided I had to put myself first. I had to put my priorities, needs and wants before others. No longer did I make an effort to make others happy, but I made an effort to make myself happy. I stopped worrying about what other people thought. I have always been afraid of judgment, I have been afraid to be wrong and I have been afraid of not fitting in.
These fears led me to put others before myself.
He was more athletic and she was more intelligent, so why did it matter what I thought anyway? I was a nobody. I was a shy girl that let others push her around. I had this justification that I just wanted to help others, I just wanted other people to be happy, so it was OK if I was pushed around or if I wasn’t happy.
They were more important than me anyway, right?
No. No, they weren’t.
It is so easy to have this idea that someone is superior or that someone is better than you. It is so easy to have this idea that your happiness does not matter — that your priorities, your needs and your wants do not matter.
No one’s happiness is more important than the next person, and no one is superior. We were all put on this earth with equal opportunity. Equal opportunity to fully live the life we were given and to make a difference. We were all born into different circumstances — so, yes, for some this opportunity comes easier.
I was born into a great family with easy access to opportunity. But, because I did not put myself first, my opportunities were halted.
You cannot give to others without giving to yourself. Therefore, no matter how hard I tried to please others, I had nothing to give. I had nothing to give because I did not give to myself. However, it has been about a year since I decided to put myself first and it is the best decision I have ever made.
Putting myself first has involved following my dreams and my passions, no matter what anybody else says.
It has involved me finding time to take care of my body, whether that’s working out, sleeping, or taking a bubble bath.
It has involved me saying no to others and yes to myself.
It has involved getting rid of toxic relationships and making room for the growth of healthy ones.
It has involved taking myself out to eat with the confidence to sit alone.
It has involved the realization that it is OK to not be OK, and it is OK to ask for help. It has involved me finding ways to help others while I help myself.
I have found a happiness and confidence that I did not know existed. If you are struggling with putting yourself first, I encourage you to take a step out of your comfort zone. Stop pleasing others, and instead, find your own happiness.
Put yourself first— it will be the best decision you have ever made.
