I say this raw confession with complete vulnerability and exposure, I had been feeling slightly off for the past few weeks and I wasn’t sure why. It’s not like anything was wrong, everything is going great. But I started realizing that when people would ask me “So, how have you been?” I would instinctively answer “Great, I’m doing well. Same old same old.” I would give them this simple answer and then reflect on my answer and almost feel like I was betraying myself, because it sounded so absent-minded and so empty.
At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for, not to mention all the things, whether tangible or intangible, that I love about my life. Who am I to say that I’m feeling a little “off” for no reason? That sounds quite selfish in my opinion. As I continued to analyze my feelings and pinpoint what exactly was bothering me, it clicked. It’s okay to not be flawlessly and brilliantly happy all the time. It’s normal if I get into funks. It’s okay to complain about little aspects of my life, and see where things are lacking. It’s all okay because guess what y’all: we all have feelings and we’re allowed to act on them. We should never apologize for how we feel because it’s something so innate and so natural. And, if you surround yourself with people that are understanding and thoughtful, they should never make you feel like your complaints are minuscule. Because, yes, while one person’s problems may be way smaller than the next person, that still doesn’t diminish the importance of that problem to them nor should it be belittled.
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While it’s okay to be honest with yourself and with others if there is something wrong or missing, the important thing is the way you act on it. At the end of the day, you are the only person that can feel what you feel, therefore you are the only one that can control the perspective in which you view your daily life. I think the reason why I was upset with myself was that I wasn’t putting purpose into what I was doing. I started getting too overwhelmed by my busy schedule and going through my day as more of getting things checked off my planner rather than putting meaning into what I was doing. When it comes to college life, having a balance of everything can seem impossible, and it really started to get to me. It still gets to me, but last week I heard something so simple yet so monumental that now I feel like I’m getting back on track and out of my funk.
I was sitting in church, intently listening, hoping that I would hear words of wisdom that would help me out, and I did. The priest, very simply yet filled with so much thought, says, “this week I encourage you all to think hard and find one person that you’re thankful for that you had contact with.” So after hearing that, I was almost ashamed of myself because I can’t remember the last time I actually sat down and thought of one person that I was thankful for (selfish, I know, I know. I have lots of work to do). SO I came home, wrote a sticky note that says “Who are you thankful for?” and stuck it on my mirror, and every day this past week I’ve sat down for a solid 5 minutes and reviewed my day, thinking about someone that made an impact on my day. Just these couple of minutes have made me feel a sense of fulfillment that I wasn’t feeling these past few weeks, and it’s been so wonderful. My conclusion to this “feelings overload” gushed out in this article is to be true to yourself and do things with purpose, because that’s when things start coming seamlessly together.
