We may not talk about it on a daily basis, but we all know it’s there. We confirm its existence through our actions, whether or not we acknowledge its presence. You know what I’m talking about, it’s not exactly an old idea: whoever cares less wins. However, in the environment of a college campus, this idea is beginning to run rampant. I know because I’m guilty of it too.

You can see it play out in a variety of situations. In fact, college kids take their actions to the extreme in order to make it seem like they don’t care. You might be out getting lunch with friends Saturday morning and see a hookup from the night before, and they pretend they don’t know who you are. Maybe you and your significant other have yet to define your relationship and you’re uncomfortable with them mentioning other people they’re dating. Yet, you don’t say anything because that would make it seem like you care too much. I’ve heard friends and acquaintances go to such lengths as trying to convince others that they simply don’t have feelings, as if it’s possible for a human being to just eliminate feelings from their personality and act purely on physical impulses.

Ladies and gentleman, this is madness. When functioning adults are told about this culture that’s abundant in the college atmosphere, they’re shocked. The fact is, we as college students are supposed to be adults ourselves. The key to maintaining healthy adult relationships with others is mutual respect, and part of that concept is working together and supporting each other. We are not only unsupportive of each other, but we refuse to even let others know that we care.

J.R. Bruns, M.D., said in Psychology Today, “While a study by New York University sociologist Paula England determined that both college men and women had roughly the same hopes that a hook up would turn into something more, the outward behavior is to hide that loving way.” So if it really is true that men and women are usually on the same page about hookups, why is this trend continuing to happen? It’s mostly an issue of power. Both men and women in college feel that vulnerability is weak and pathetic, and being satisfied with a purely physical interaction is empowering. It’s an “I don’t need anyone else” mentality. While I believe in taking actions that make us more confident and empowered, especially from a woman’s standpoint, taking the “care less” attitude causes us to lose something much greater: the potential for meaningful relationships with others and the benefits that come from them. This doesn’t mean you have to be searching for a boyfriend or girlfriend, just productive friendships that allow for mutual dignity.

Considering that all of these complicated unspoken rules are being created within our four years of undergrad, what implications does this have for our future? Will we ever get over our pride and allow others to recognize how much we care about them? I urge you to start making some changes now, so that we can fight the “whoever cares less wins” culture. If you see a casual hookup between classes one day, say hi and ask them how their day is going. You haven’t committed to anything, but you’ve shown someone that you have at least an ounce of interest in them as a person. On the same note, if someone treats you like they don’t care, you’re not required to maintain that relationship and should move on.

In the end, if we all take even the tiniest steps in eliminating the idea that whoever cares less wins, our reputation as the generation who just doesn’t care will be diminished. More importantly, we’ll leave college with better relationships and a more genuine experience with which to move forward.