Growing up I had a good life, really got whatever I wanted. I remember the years before my papaw’s passing things were simple. Everyone was simply accepted for who they were. No judgment; the innocence still existed within us. I’m not entirely sure what happened between fifth-grade graduation and the entirety of the sixth grade, but things were certainly different. Maybe it was the adding of other kids; more influence, more people to impress at that point. We all just wanted to fit in. For myself, I still tried to remain friends with the people I was friends with from elementary; however, we grew apart.
Sixth grade I tried out for the basketball team on a limb. Mainly because a friend of mine wanted to try out, but was afraid to do it alone. So, I tried out with her; I made the team, she got cut. I’m not sure I really wanted to play all that bad, I just did it cause she asked me to. I think this was where I started to try to fit in. At this stage in my life, I wasn’t really acting or dressing like your typical girl. I was dressing in boys clothes and was not appearing as the other girls in my class. I’m sure this is where the judgement started, the part that made me hate this stage in my life. Being mixed is a little hard when it comes to finding out where you fit in and finding your identity. Sad to say but most of the time cliques in school are split up by race, social status, and your family’s financial status. So I landed where I felt fit, I had three girls that I would have called my “best friends”. Two of them we stayed distant friends through the years, but one I had to battle with; however she never knew.
That particular friend constantly called me names, pitted the others against me and overall just tore me down. I never let it show but it created an emotional rollercoaster within me. I truly lost myself and landed in a very dark place. I stopped feeling worthy. I let someone take over me, in a way I lived in their shadow. Years after middle school I finally realized that this girl was a bully to me. It made me angry but all-in-all I was thankful to her. She made me strong, she made me realize I was worth more than the words. I was the entire time worthy. In the time of being bullied attempted to do awful things to myself, thinking that they would make me feel better. When in reality I was letting my bully win. I'm glad I decided to not give up on myself and to not give in to my bully.
Bullies are everywhere -- at school and even miles away, behind a computer screen. I’m not sure what causes one to become a bully, but all I do know is that it’s getting worse and worse. To anyone that is getting bullied it will fade and you will grow from it. In a way, your bully makes you the better person. Never feel like you are without self-worth; you are worthy. You have a purpose and don’t let some other kid tear that down with actions or words. And if you have bullied someone before or are bullying, remember that tearing others down does not help you reach greatness or the “top”. Everyone has a reason behind their actions, bullying others does not feel the void. Negativity will not help; as my motto say Positive vibes or none at all.
